Monthly Archives: September 2016

The AC/DC Act

Morgan brought up, on the Hello Kitty of bloggin’, the fact that dry-cleaning costs have gone up faster than shirt costs, he suspects because of some ranting by New Feminists that women were being charged more for dry cleaning than men were, so they raised the prices for men (which did nothing to help women, except for make it so that more of them had to iron their husbands’ shirts due to new budgetary constraints).

This has led to an undesirable increase in the cleaning cost to shirt cost ratio, which he suspects has gone from about 0.1 to 0.4.

History would make me guess this must have been called the “Dry Cleaning Equality Act”, since that’s the kind of name they come up with to sell these things.  I imagine the Association of American Dry Cleaners helped draft the law and lobbied heavily for it.

As usual, the only way to solve problems created by the government is to have the government try to solve it with more government.  The problem is this ratio increase, called the “Dini Index”.  So clearly the solution must drive this ratio back down.

The obvious way to do this would be to mandate that people buy more expensive shirts.  Of course this means that less expensive shirts should be outlawed (who should be forced to wear sub-par shirts, after all?). We will therefore call this the Affordable Clothing Dry Cleaning Act, or the ACDC Act (Dirty Duds and They’re Done Dirt Cheap!)

By increasing the cost of each shirt, the Dry Cleaning Cost to Shirt Cost ratio goes back down – dry cleaning is therefore more affordable because Science™.

Naturally, since we can’t expect the less fortunate among us to be able to afford the more expensive shirts, we will also be expected to shoulder our Fair Share™ of the cost to society and subsidize expensive shirts for the poor.

I won’t go into the details of the act itself. You’ll just have to pass the act to find out what’s in it.  I’ll merely assure you that it’ll make dry cleaning more affordable and that if you like your current shirt vendor, you can keep him*.    If you’re not for it, you clearly hate poor people and are on the Highway to Hell.
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(*) as long as he offers only the shirts we allow and remains in business.  We take no responsibility for driving him out … ahem … his decision to leave the market.

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