So Donald Trump is Hitler. At least, that’s what you Lefties keep telling me. Which is kinda strange when you think about it. Didn’t George W. Bush — who was also Hitler — put y’all in labor camps back in 2003? Did you get paroled or something?
But whatever. As much as I enjoy watching you beclown yourselves, I’m going to give you some helpful advice: Nobody cares about Nazis anymore.
Seriously. To have even experienced in any meaningful way a world with Hitler in it, you’d have to have been born in the 1930s. To have had an informed, contemporary opinion on him, you’d need to have been born in the 1920s. So if you’re not currently at least 80 years old, you don’t really know what you’re talking about when it comes to National Socialism.
To prove it to you, I’ll ask all of you, Left and Right, to tell me what, exactly, is so wrong with Nazism? As we want to stick as closely as possible to the facts — we all fucking looove science, don’t we? — we’ll base our discussion on the 25 points of the Nazi Party, first put forth in 1920. The original points are underlined; my commentary follows.
1. We demand the uniting of all Germans within one Greater Germany, on the basis of the right to self-determination of nations. “The right to self-determination” was behind many of impeccably Progressive Woodrow Wilson’s 14 Points at Versailles; it was part of the Progressive catechism until very recently. Ask Bill Clinton.
2. We demand equal rights for the German people (Volk) with respect to other nations, and the annulment of the peace treaty of Versailles and St. Germain. See above, especially re: the Muslims in Serbia.
3. We demand land and soil (Colonies) to feed our People and settle our excess population. Overpopulation has been a Lefty bugbear since at least the 1970s. Of course, these days they’d prefer there to be less population, period….
4. Only Nationals (Volksgenossen) can be Citizens of the State. Only persons of German blood can be Nationals, regardless of religious affiliation. No Jew can therefore be a German National. Flip “German” and “Jew” in those sentences, and I’m pretty sure you have Israel’s immigration policy.
5. Any person who is not a Citizen will be able to live in Germany only as a guest and must be subject to legislation for Aliens. C’mon, man, this is just common sense. Which means the Left hates it, but if that’s all it takes to make one a Nazi, I think Captain America himself is in the SS.
6. Only a Citizen is entitled to decide the leadership and laws of the State. We therefore demand that only Citizens may hold public office, regardless of whether it is a national, state or local office. Again, common sense. Who knew the Nazis were so reasonable?
We oppose the corrupting parliamentary custom of making party considerations, and not character and ability, the criterion for appointments to official positions. Adolf, meet the Pendleton Act. I guess Chester Arthur was a Nazi, too (well, he was a Republican….)
7. We demand that the State make it its duty to provide opportunities of employment first of all for its own Citizens. If it is not possible to maintain the entire population of the State, then foreign nationals (non-Citizens) are to be expelled from the Reich. Talk about bipartisan! Yeah, Trump’s guys love the “expelled from the Reich” part, but that whole bit about the State’s duty to provide jobs…. pure Left. Oh, and those jobs shall pay a minimum wage of $15/hr.
8. Any further immigration of non-Germans is to be prevented. We demand that all non-Germans who entered Germany after August 2, 1914, be forced to leave the Reich without delay. Yep, that’s Trump all right. One of eight so far. Definitely a Nazi.
9. All German Citizens must have equal rights and duties. I can see why the Left hates this one, since “duties” implies “responsibility,” which implies work, which no Special Snowflake will ever undertake voluntarily. But who could be against equal rights?
10. It must be the first duty of every Citizen to carry out intellectual or physical work. Individual activity must not be harmful to the public interest and must be pursued within the framework of the community and for the general good. See what I mean? Who could be against this stuff? I’m perfectly willing to consider the possibility that Wymyn’s Studies et al is “for the general good” and “not harmful to the public interest”…. if you can explain why, without jargon or snark.
We therefore demand:
11. The abolition of all income obtained without labor or effort. Capital gains taxes, anyone?
Breaking the Servitude of Interest. Wasn’t that “Occupy Wall Street’s” first demand, e.g. in regard to student loans? I just knew those guys were fascists at heart.
12. In view of the tremendous sacrifices in property and blood demanded of the nation by every war, personal gain from the war must be termed a crime against the nation. We therefore demand the total confiscation of all war profits. Plus, that’d run Lockheed, Boeing, and General Dynamics out of business. Right, hippies?
13. We demand the nationalization of all enterprises (already) converted into corporations (trusts). I could swear I heard some white dude with dreadlocks demanding this just yesterday, down at the student union.
14. We demand profit-sharing in large enterprises. So do all their employees.
15. We demand the large-scale development of old-age pension schemes. Get your government hands off my Medicare, Adolf!
16. We demand the creation and maintenance of a sound middle class; the immediate communalization of the large department stores, which are to be leased at low rates to small tradesmen. We demand the most careful consideration for the owners of small businesses in orders placed by national, state, or community authorities. “And the middle class” was the title of every Hillary Clinton campaign speech that wasn’t “Because Vagina.”
17. We demand land reform in accordance with our national needs and a law for expropriation without compensation of land for public purposes. Abolition of ground rent and prevention of all speculation in land. Cf. Occupy Wall St. and any and all “community organizers” in every inner city in America.
18. We demand ruthless battle against those who harm the common good by their activities. Persons committing base crimes against the People, usurers, profiteers, etc., are to be punished by death without regard to religion or race. Speaking of Occupy Wall St…. I think “usurers, profiteers, etc.” describes student loan lenders, don’t you?
19. We demand the replacement of Roman Law, which serves a materialistic World Order, by German Law. “Special laws for special groups” is the cornerstone of Progressive jurisprudence. Ask the Memories Pizza folks.
20. In order to make higher education – and thereby entry into leading positions – available to every able and industrious German, the State must provide a thorough restructuring of our entire public educational system. The courses of study at all educational institutions are to be adjusted to meet the requirements of practical life. Understanding of the concept of the State must be achieved through the schools (teaching of civics) at the earliest age at which it can be grasped. We demand the education at the public expense of specially gifted children of poor parents, without regard to the latters’ position or occupation. Jesus, I think we should haul the OWS people up on plagiarism charges. Of course, as “specially gifted children” — hoo boy are they special! — they’d probably get off, especially as they’re already sponging off the taxpayers.
21. The State must raise the level of national health by means of mother-and-child care, the banning of juvenile labor, achievements of physical fitness through legislation for compulsory gymnastics and sports, and maximum support for all organizations providing physical training for young people. Insufficient. Single payer now!!!
22. We demand the abolition of hireling troops and the creation of a national army. Not really relevant here, but it’s kinda funny hearing the Original Hessians griping about “hireling troops.”
23. We demand laws to fight against deliberate political lies and their dissemination by the press. In order to make it possible to create a German press, we demand:
a) all editors and editorial employees of newspapers appearing in the German language must be German by race;
b) non-German newspapers require express permission from the State for their publication. They may not be printed in the German language;
c) any financial participation in a German newspaper or influence on such a paper is to be forbidden by law to non-Germans and the penalty for any breach of this law will be the closing of the newspaper in question, as well as the immediate expulsion from the Reich of the non-Germans involved. Fake news!!!!!
Newspapers which violate the public interest are to be banned. We demand laws against trends in art and literature which have a destructive effect on our national life, and the suppression of performances that offend against the above requirements. Does Fox News violate the public interest? Does NASCAR have a destructive effect on our national life? Think carefully.
24. We demand freedom for all religious denominations, provided that they do not endanger the existence of the State or offend the concepts of decency and morality of the Germanic race. No more Exploding Mohammeds? I can live with that, and as a bone to the Left, y’all can ban Westboro Baptist. Bipartisanship, baby!
The Party as such stands for positive Christianity, without associating itself with any particular denomination. It fights against the Jewish-materialistic spirit within and around us, and is convinced that a permanent revival of our nation can be achieved only from within, on the basis of: Public Interest before Private Interest. Even ex-president Obama pretended to stand for positive Christianity, though of course without associating Himself with any particular denomination. Especially not Jeremiah Wright’s hateful, anti-American denomination… at least, after He got caught, and long after Wright married him and baptized his children. And as for that “Jewish-materialistic spirit” stuff, well, as I like to point out, “Berkeley or Nazi?” is a fun drinking game if all you’ve got is Drano cocktails. Who was the bigger anti-Semite, Adolf or Rachel Corrie? Or any one of the “anti-Zionist” loons you find at any large Leftie protest?
25. To carry out all the above we demand: the creation of a strong central authority in the Reich. Unquestioned authority by the political central Parliament over the entire Reich and over its organizations in general. The establishment of trade and professional organizations to enforce the Reich basic laws in the individual states. And that strong central authority shall be… Barack Obama. Is it still such a terrible awful no good very bad thing?
See what I mean? By my rough count, any contemporary “conservative” could sign off on half that platform, and any modern “Progressive” would sign off on pretty much all of it. Would y’all care to revise and extend your remarks, re: President Trump and National Socialism?