When last we discussed my (completely hypothetical) group resisting #TheResistance, Anonymous White Male asked: “What about the women?” At the time I said “don’t worry about it,” but Our Betters, the Liberals, have unwittingly provided us an answer, via the Starbucks Coffee Corporation. Everyone’s favorite carbo-loaded caffeine pimps will no longer be moving along those undesirables who take up all the tables and dirty the bathrooms without paying for anything, because Social Justice. It’s a golden opportunity for black knighting.
SJWs get most of their power from the “Game” concept of social proof. The Left has tried long and hard — and obvtiously, with great success — to make Leftism the default position for apolitical people. Thus college girls are the most reflexively liberal people on the planet. And since they’re girls, and in college, they normally would never have to deal with liberalism’s consequences…. except that college girls are also Starbucks’ main customer base. See where this is going?
The best part is, not only does Starbucks have to double down — it’s like a law or something — but now university people, who are always on the prowl for their next crusade, are going to get into the act. Pretty soon you won’t be able to get within 50 feet of a Starbucks in any college town without getting sexually harassed by a schizophrenic, piss-stained bum.
If you haven’t been in a college town recently (or at all), you may not believe me. Most Starbucks won’t have a bum problem, because they’re located in nice safe white suburbs. College towns, though, go out of their way to create a homeless problem for themselves. My (former) college town was typical:
I went to grad school (and, therefore, taught) at a citadel of learning I’ll call Flyover State. They were respectable-verging-on-good… but always verging. There were better public Us, and anyway the parents who care about “education” wouldn’t be sending their snowflakes to a school ending in “State.” It had a decent rep as a party school, but though real party schools do end in “State,” they’re preceded by “Arizona” or “California.” Even the football team was blah — good enough to end up on ESPN 5 in the middle of the week after Christmas, but not good enough that the word “underperforming” wasn’t always found in their press coverage. It was, in short, a safety school for bright-but-directionless kids who didn’t want to move too far away from home.
There are lots of these, and this is where your Sons (and Daughters!) of Valley Forge will get off the ground. For you see, what applies to the students is inverse, and double, for the professors. The kind of folks who end up teaching at Flyover State are real, serious scholars, with (in many cases) national reps… but they’re not quite good enough, or maybe just too white, straight, etc., to end up at Harvard. This makes them bitter — above and beyond normal SJW bitterness, I mean — and that, in turn, makes them the #Wokest of all.
Thus, in my time at Flyover State, the nice, safe, clean, white town of Potemkin Village when from being nice, safe, clean, and white to…. the exact opposite of that. The bitter SJW professorate decided — I was there, I heard them — to import from the nearest major metro every vicious ghetto banger they could catch (it didn’t hurt that some of them were good at football, though of course the profs wouldn’t admit this under torture). Combined with the rampant homeless population that always infests a college town, this had predictable effects. When I first got there, I didn’t think twice about walking home from a bar at 2am; now, I’d think twice about going out in broad daylight unescorted by SEAL Team 6.
But at least private businesses were safe… until now. If I were the leader of an underground… let’s call it a “study circle”… I’d start posting flyers everywhere around every local Starbucks: “No purchase required to use bathroom!” Then sit back and watch the fun. In fact, I’d get out there with the professors, howling about the horrible horrible injustice of asking Dontarrious and his seventeen homies to move along, or at least please turn down the music and sit down. Your nice white college girls will be terrified… and who will protect them then?
So thanks, Starbucks — not only will you Get Woke and Go Broke, but you’ve provided lots of aid and comfort to the enemy. Hypothetically.