“The Equality Act.” Word comes, via Ace of Spades, that the House has passed something called “The Equality Act.” I hadn’t heard of this before, but it seems to be yet more Mandatory Make Believe from our benevolent overlords. In this case, we’re now required to pretend that any given person really IS whatever bullshit fakey-fake “gender” xzhey arbitrarily decide xzhey are today, or face a civil rights lawsuit.
There aren’t too many times I miss the ivory tower, comrades, but I must say this is one of them. As everyone with two brain cells to rub together has pointed out, not least of the big, immediate, obvious consequences of this act is the end of women’s sports.
After all my years at Flyover State, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what the typical — that is to say, pre-“Equality Act” — female collegiate athlete is like. Generally she comes in two varieties: ultra-butch diesel dyke (softball, field hockey), or willowy little blonde whose upper-middle-class parents could afford to indulge little Catniss’s hobby, such that she can now freeload off “scholarships” (everything else). Thanks to Title IX, any school that wants to have a football team has to field teams in unwatched bullshit women’s “sports” like soccer and swimming and golf.
This, feminists say, is “empowering.”
It’s going to be hilarious, watching the conniptions of the “gender is just a social construction!” feminists when all the “women’s” scholarships go to hairy dudes with cocks hanging past their knees. You know how all those women’s Olympic soccer teams keep losing to boys’ squads? And I do mean boys’ squads — “U-15” means that the oldest boys on the team are 15. (Bonus fun fact: the dyke in the lower left photo at the second link is Megan Rapinoe, the one who made such noise about how underpaid female pros are, and was of course hailed as some kind of feminist hero for it. I have no idea what she’s complaining about — having lost 5-2 to a squad of 15 year old boys, it seems to me she and her ilk should be making 40% of whatever a 15 year old boy makes playing soccer. But I digress).
Now imagine that there’s real money involved — the kind of money that floats around the Athletic Department of a major university. Damn right boys who were barely benchwarmers on their high school squads are going to go out for — and dominate — women’s collegiate teams. Women’s pro teams, too, for that matter — I’d love to see some based, hyper-competitive asshole like Charles Barkley lawsuit his way onto a WNBA squad. Sir Chuck’s nearly sixty, but does anyone doubt he could put up a quadruple-double every night for the Jersey City Carpet Munchers?
If any of you were thinking of a second career in the ivory tower, now’s your chance! Just figure out a way to say that in just this one special case, biology is real and gender isn’t a social construction. Use the word “reify” a lot; eggheads love that.
Another fun consequence of this will be mass conversion to Islam, if y’all are smart. The “Equality Act” says it has no religious exemptions — which is flagrantly unconstitutional, but whatevs, the Constitution’s deader than disco — but we all know that certain religions will be exempt anyway. Hell, though I’m Christian I’m going to steal an idea from the Muzzies: taqiya. Of course I don’t believe any of that stuff, and at one point “bearing false witness” was a sin… but since my parish priest has been hiding under his desk in mortal fear of the Coof for a solid year now, and that goddamn Marxist on St. Peter’s throne wouldn’t know Jesus’s teachings from a McDonald’s menu, I’m going to go ahead and declare this concept scripturally sound. Aloha snackbar, bitches!!!
Finally, it should be a great test of whether or not there’s any community spirit left in America. Because the proper response to a crazy man in a dress who wants to go into the little girls’ room should be “Why, of course! Go right ahead!!”…. this being said by Billy Bob and three or four of his large, bearded, trucker-hatted friends, all of whom must’ve been working on the same flat tire somewhere on the side of the road, because they’ve got jack handles and crowbars in their mitts.
Bombs away!! A man should always admit when he’s wrong, and I admit it, comrades, I was wrong. I had “28 days” in the office pool for “how soon after his at-bayonet-point installation is China Joe Biden going to start bombing people?” Damn, missed it by thaaaat much. Special bonus fun: Again via Ace of Spades, I learn that our Commandatrix-in-Queef, Heel’s-Up Harris, was not informed of the impending missile strikes. And since Joe himself forgot about it five minutes after he signed the order, one does begin wonder who, exactly, is authorizing these things? I’ve heard tales of a misty, long-lost age in which there was an institution… the “Press,” I think they were called in whatever barbarous tongue they spoke back then … who would’ve been wondering the same thing, and perhaps investigating. Ah well; it’s probably just a myth, like Atlantis.
All of this is all to the good, comrades. Like Moses, we’re in sight of the Promised Land — if by “Promised Land” you mean “the total collapse of this batshit Clown World in which we somehow find ourselves” — but we’re not quite there yet. There’s still so much more work to be done! Pretending that men are women is a good start, as is throwing random bombs around for reasons no one has ever even bothered to explain. But it’s not enough. More! Faster!!
We’ve decided, as a species, to go full retard. So be it. You can’t back into the future, as I think Muad’dib once said. Let’s sprint full-tilt into that fucker, like “Caitlyn” Jenner back when she was Bruce. It’ll be fun, and we’ll probably get a few scholarship offers, too.
UPDATE: Dognapping!!! Damn, dudes. Not an hour after I hit “publish” on this thing, word comes that the FBI is investigating the theft of Lady Gaga’s dogs.
“Dognapping” is not a Federal crime. Theft is a local crime. (So is attempted murder, of course, but the dog walker who got shot was named “Ryan Fischer,” so, you know, obviously White, so fuck that guy, right “law enforcement” peeps?). But the Feeb is jumping right in, because Gaga sang at “President” Biden’s “inauguration,” and thus the crime might be politically motivated. Or so they say, despite the fact that the suspects are two Black guys, so, you know, obviously White Supremacists…
Now that’s what I’m talking about, gang! The Feebs are definitely stepping up their game. Going full retard is a flat-out fucking sprint here in the Bidenreich, and the G-Men are determined to cross the finish line first. I think now would be a good time for a reader poll: Will the Bee send more or less than 15 guys to investigate this heinous act of “domestic terrorism”? On the one hand, “dognapping” isn’t nearly as grievous an offense as “having your basic regulation $4.25-at-any-AutoZone door pull hanging in a garage.” On the other, Lady Gaga is a much bigger celebrity than Bubba Wallace. Gaga’s obviously a trannie, it’s true, but Wallace is half Numinous Negro… this stuff gets complicated. Who will win this round of Victim Bingo?
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