A Brief Nerd-Enraging Take

I hear that the new Han Solo movie sucks.  Literally sucks, in that Lando Calrissian is revealed to be “pansexual” or some such nonsense.

This is a surprise?

As I’ve written before, the whole point of the new SJWars is to destroy something normies once loved.  But normies loved it, by and large, because it had timeless themes — good versus evil, conflicting loyalties, comradeship.  You can’t tell an actual story without those, which is why the sequels, prequels, and other assorted cash-ins are basically just 3-hour-long video game cut scenes.

Which brings us to Han Solo and his pansexual swinger pal, Lando.  The new SJWars did a pretty good job of ruining all the meaningful parts of the original trilogy, but all the intersectional genderfluidity in the galaxy can’t make Han Solo uncool.  Harrison Ford’s Han is the epitome of “toxic masculinity” – swaggering, entitled, with a classic shitlord smirk that guaranteed he’d pull twelve parsecs of poon no matter how fast he finished the Kessel Run.  But he’s also a real character, who matures to the point where he risks his life coming back to the battle to save Luke during the climactic Death Star attack.

By the end of the movie, in other words, Han Solo is a hero, and we can’t be having that.

I’d bet whatever price Jabba put on his head that the young Han Solo of SJWars is a whiny emo brat who spends most of the movie getting bossed around — and beat up – by girls.  I also fearlessly predict that pansexual Lando is the real hero of the piece, complete with a Chuck Tingle-style “love wins!” sermon.

This is also, of course, why they cast a kid who looks nothing like Harrison Ford:

This isn’t Young Han; it’s Replacement Han, the Han Solo who should’ve been — the one who has a degree in Gender Studies and wouldn’t shoot Greedo first because he’s against gun violence.  He’s Pajamaboy Solo… exactly as intended.

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One thought on “A Brief Nerd-Enraging Take

  1. Pickle Rick

    That’s how the Left rolls. The purpose of Communist agitprop (and Hollywood’s) is to not only destroy traditional culture but to humiliate the people who love their traditional culture – hence the constant “rebooting” and “reimagining” of classic films. It’s meant to enrage us, to remind us that even though we won the election, they will destroy everything within reach, and they still have cultural power. Lando ain’t some space fag, he’s the smoothest pimp in the galaxy, and retconning him in Disney’s Star Wars skin suit won’t ever make him queer in Empire or Jedi, because as far as I’m concerned, there’s three movies that comprise the Star Wars saga, and three only. Everything else is dead to me.

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