Before we get into it, can we all just pause for a second to savor the delicious irony of the Democrats suddenly discovering, after all these many many many years, that Socialism is bad? I almost feel sorry for poor ol’ Bernie. For going on four decades now, the Dems have treated him like the little kid at the grown-ups’ table. Who hasn’t been there on Thanksgiving? “Mommy, Uncle Henry’s breath smells really bad.” We’re all thinking it, kiddo, but you can’t say it. They’ve been silently agreeing with him about the need to turn America into the USSA all these years, and now they’re gonna take him behind the woodshed for it? Really?
This is point #1 in the argument, increasingly common out here in the political badlands, that Bernie Sanders is Bizarro World Donald Trump. Back in 2016, the weirdest thing for those of us not wedded to Team Republican — for that vanishingly rare breed, that is, who regard politics as politics, not sportsball in neckties — was how normal Trump sounded. This guy is supposed to be the ultimate anti-Establishment candidate, right? So why is he saying stuff that has been GOP orthodoxy since the 1970s? And why are they hammering him for it?
Take away Trump’s signature in-your-face style, in other words, and you’ve got what sounds like your typical Rotary Club Republican Boomer goober. The only difference was: He actually meant it. As I’ve written before, Trump wins with one simple tactic: He jukes every which way in the backfield, but always ends up running Right. Whereas every other Republican always “grows in office” — as they say, the easiest way to elect a Democrat in a center-Right country like America is to elect a Republican and wait a few months — Trump remains consistent.*
So does Bernie. Bernie doesn’t fake — he just heads straight for the Left sideline. If the rest of the Party weren’t there to stop him, he’d just keep running, Forrest Gump-like, straight out of the stadium.
This is where he’s most dangerous. Like Trump was in 2016, Bernie 2020 can be seen as a pure protest candidate, a giant “fuck you” to The System. Hell, in my increasingly frequent black-pill moments, I contemplate voting for the guy — we’re not voting our way out of what’s coming, as Z Man always says, so we might as well get started. A few years of life under the Septuagenarian Stalin will give us some valuable prep for when things get really interesting under La Presidenta por Vida Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
Moreover, there can be great power in being the only guy in the room who’s willing to state the obvious. In this case, it has been obvious for a long time that the Democratic Party are a bunch of godless commies. Literally commies, or at least Bolshie-curious. Obvious, but always verboten to say… until now. Sanders has a rabid base that, even if you assume the “official” numbers are all lies, can’t be much less than 20% of the entire Party. Those hardcore Bernie Bros can’t possibly have any illusions about who he is and what he wants. That’s what they want, too, and again: twenty percent. The Media paints anyone to the Right of Rachel Maddow as a “white supremacist,” but can you imagine how different American politics would be if 20% of the GOP were open, avowed Klansmen?
Those are the “positives,” for lack of a better term, of Bernie being the Democratic nominee. If this is what The People really, really want — and it’s crystal clear that a lot of them do — then we should at least have a good, long, hard “national conversation” about giving it to them. Cuba, as Bernie keeps informing us, does after all have 100% literacy and free health care, and the Chinese are great at lifting people out of poverty. Let’s talk about that, live on national television, and see where it takes us.
Add to this the fact that the same yahoos who gave Hillary Clinton a 93% chance of winning the presidency back in 2016 are all doing the Chicken Little routine at the thought of Sanders’s nomination, and it seems like the guy is a legit threat.
But just because those yahoos were and are yahoos doesn’t mean they’re wrong again. I think they’re right. Not in the way they think they’re right, mind you, but right for all that. They think that having an open Socialist up there on the debate stage, wearing a Mao suit with a “¡Viva Fidel!” lapel pin next to the hammer-and-sickle, will be rejected by most Americans. Those people are idiots, not least because they’ve forgotten that most people are idiots, and American voters are idiots even by those standards. Remember, I taught college for many, many years. You can take it from me: Most American “college” “graduates” can’t even spell “communism,” much less tell you anything about it. All they hear is “gibsmedat.”
No, the real reasons I think Bernie is toast are threefold (fourfold, if you count the nonzero-and-rapidly-rising possibility that he’ll be Epsteined by the Party elite, but for decency’s sake we’ll go with three). First, though he’s portrayed, Trump-like, as The Ultimate Outsider by people who first heard of him last week, he’s actually been in Congress since 1991. That’s a year shy of three decades, folks. Ace of Spades types had a lot of fun dunking on one of the Cucks — Rich Lowry, I think — who tweeted out something about how he just discovered Bernie Sanders has three houses when one of Sanders’s debate opponents brought it up. Lowry was (is?) the editor of National Review, i.e. a professional political jock-sniffer, so he has no excuse for not knowing this… but in fact a lot of people don’t, and Bernie’s outsider appeal depends on them continuing not to know it.
How long is that ignorance going to last, do you think, after The Lil’est Tyrant Mike Bloomberg drops another $20 million in attack ads? Will Donald Trump drop that on him in his opening monologue at the first debate, or will he wait a few minutes?
I know, I know, rank hypocrisy doesn’t bother Leftists at all, but Bernie already has them in the bag. He has to appeal to centrists, especially young centrists. Bernie is, in fact, counting on huge voter turnout from college kids. Democrats always do, and they always come up short, because college kids. Alas for him, he hasn’t “expanded the electorate” at all — voter turnout in the recent primaries barely increased at all over 2016, and was way below 2008 levels. If college kids really are feelin’ the Bern, they aren’t feelin’ it enough to actually get off their lazy asses and go vote in primaries.
And again, I’ll remind you that I taught a lot of college for a lot of years. I couldn’t even get a lot of these stupid brats to come to class on exam day. They’ll fire off a text message about a sick grandma on the off chance that you’ll give them a pity C, but they won’t get off the couch for anything, and not even California allows you to vote via Instagram… yet. If they’re not willing to put their iCrap down long enough to go vote in a primary now, how likely will they be when they find out he’s the worst kind of hypocrite, flying between his three houses on a private jet while talking about “the rich” and “climate change”?
The Ultimate Outsider is actually one of the slimier swamp creatures. That’s knock #1. Number two is closely related: Trump will flense him in the debates, because Trump can run on his record. Look, I take a backseat to no man in my disdain for Orange Man’s complete sellout on the only thing that matters, the Big Beautiful Wall… but the fact remains that the economy is great, at least on paper and increasingly in reality. The Ninth Circus is actually majority-conservative. Gorsuch has a tendency to cuck, but though Kavanaugh might well have if they’d left him alone (see footnote 2, below), now he’s fighting mad. And Satan’s going to have to call in his markers on Ruth Bader Ginsberg sooner or later; fetal grindings and goat-blood transfusions can only stave off death so long.
Two Supremes, and undoubtedly a third by the end of his second term, a hot economy, a draw-down in the endless wars, a summit with Lil’ Kim, the Chinese trade deal… we can debate how good, bad, or indifferent these really are all day long, but they play like real, serious accomplishments out in the sticks. Bernie Sanders, by contrast… well, you’ve doubtless seen the memes. Here’s an attempted debunking of the memes, by someone trying really, really, really hard to give Bernie credit for some legislation. Are you ready?
Those three bills [sponsored by Sanders, which became law], according to Congress.gov, are:
S.893 Introduced 5/8/13. The Veterans’ Compensation Cost-of-Living Adjustment Act of 2013 which became law in November 2013
S.885 Introduced 5/7/13. A bill to designate the facility of the United States Postal Service located at 35 Park Street in Danville, Vermont, as the “Thaddeus Stevens Post Office” became law in November 2014.
H.R.5245 Introduced 4/27/06. To designate the facility of the United States Postal Service located at 1 Marble Street in Fair Haven, Vermont, as the “Matthew Lyon Post Office Building” became law in August 2006.
Chew on that, h8rz!!! A whopping three bills, two of which renamed post offices in Vermont. This, in all its glory, is Bernie’s legislative record after three fucking decades in Congress. Again, do you think Trump’s going to wallop him with that right out the gate, or wait a few minutes? He’s not just a jet-setting, three-house-owning Swamp Thing — he’s a ludicrously ineffective jet-setting, three-house-owning Swamp Thing.
Finally, there’s the (((elephant in the room))). Y’all know how much I hate this “special people” shit, but if Bernie’s going to have a shot in the general, he’s going to need the brown side of the Democrat electorate to come out full force… and they are not kosher, to put it mildly. This, too, is related to his “Ultimate Outsider” routine — so many people who think they support Bernie Sanders have never seen, or, crucially, heard Bernie Sanders. He looks and sounds straight out of a Mel Brooks caricature. Anti-semitism is rife on the Left; it’s endemic, and often violent, on the dark side. I can’t see Trump making significant gains with the Black vote — like most folks out here in the wilderness, I think the brothers are pretty much a lost cause by now — but I can see an awful lot of Blacks and Hispanics staying home in November if Bernie is the nominee. He’s got to get all of them, and I just don’t see that (((happening))).
That’s not to say it’s a sure thing, of course. A million things can, and undoubtedly will, happen between then and now. Saying “if present trends continue” is a sucker bet, but if present trends continue, I can see Trump beating the margin of fraud in November pretty easily if Bernie is the Dems’ nominee.
*I know, I know, for certain values of “consistent.” And “consistent” sure as hell isn’t the same as “effective.” But I’ll take it, if only for the vanishingly-small chance it gives that we can get through the 2020s without another civil war.**
**Not really a footnote to the previous, but there’s no other place to stick this: The truly sickening irony, when you think about it, is that Trump absolutely would’ve “grown in office” if they had let him. The man loves flattering press coverage more than anything in the world. What they really should’ve done is let him follow his natural limousine-liberal instincts, then hit him with a barrage of those “good doggy!”-type articles they trot out to rehabilitate any recently deceased Republican (yeah, y’all were calling John McCain Literally Hitler back in 2008, but now he’s the moderate, reasonable one). Y’all could’ve led him by the nose… but you didn’t. Instead you punched him in the nose, which got his Irish up, and now we’re gonna get Gettysburg II: Electric Boogaloo, and This Time It’s Personal. Thanks, motherfuckers. Here’s hoping the new Quantrill’s Raiders get you, and get creative with it.