B*tch T*ts

If y’all don’t feel like discussing another long post on football — can’t say as I blame you — here’s this:

One common consequence of long-term steroid use is gynecomastia, “the abnormal non-cancerous enlargement of one or both breasts in males due to the growth of breast tissue as a result of a hormone imbalance between estrogen and androgen.” Since anabolic steroids are basically just synthetic testosterone, your body ramps up estrogen production to compensate. Bodybuilders call the phenomenon “bitch tits.”

Assuming yourself always and everywhere to be the target of sinister forces is the Internet equivalent of bitch tits.

I saw it all the time back in my professing days. Every single thing in a college town is “bold” and “edgy” and “challenging” and “provocative” and, of course “transgressive”… except it isn’t. It’s all the same weak, tired shit they’ve been crapping out since the Sixties. There was a time, I suppose — somewhere between March and October of 1967 — where putting Che Guevara’s face on a t-shirt was some kind of “challenging” or “transgressive” act. Then everyone got one, so much so that it’s not even so-lame-it’s-cool hipster kitsch these days (which is one subterranean bar, comrades)…. except in the faculty lounge, where you can still see all kinds of Communist shit all over professors’ office doors.

And so on down the line: Piss Christ was trite back in 1987, The Vagina Monologues was old and busted even when it was new back in 1996, and so on. At least Andres Serrano, the huckster behind Piss Christ, had the marketing savvy to pretend that his obviously-designed-to-offend “art work” wasn’t obviously designed to offend:  “I had no idea Piss Christ would get the attention it did, since I meant neither blasphemy nor offense by it. I’ve been a Catholic all my life, so I am a follower of Christ.” Only an egghead would be stupid enough to believe that, but they do, since they still think Piss ChristThe Vagina Monologues, etc. are hot stuff on campus.

Trust me, gang, for anything playing at the campus arthouse theater, I could give you the title and the one-sentence marketing blurb — “stunning!” — and you could give me the subject matter, the plot, and large stretches of dialogue, sight unseen.

It’s deeply silly to normal people, of course, but it’s central to eggheads’ self-concept. Deep down they know that they are dull, sheltered, profoundly boring people that nobody would listen to if they didn’t need the class to graduate. Compared to your average academic, Pollyanna is as cynical and streetwise as a Newark cabbie. The greatest physical danger they have ever braved is a nasty papercut; the most consequential interpersonal interaction, a tiff with the tenure committee. They crave drama, but are light years away from anything even approaching it…

…so they make some up. By pretending that the same trite, formulaic, utterly predictable CultMarx PoMo crap they’ve been doing for half a century is “bold” and “transgressive,” they give their sad little lives some meaning. When it comes to total, utter, crushing defeats, putting a trannie in high government office is like salting the earth where Carthage once stood. They won. It’s over — it has been over since probably 1973 at the latest. But they can’t let it go, because that would mean admitting that they’re as pointless and boring as we all think they are. So they pretend that Jerry Falwell and the Legion of Decency are just over the hill, pitchforks and nooses in hand, and are going to be rushing the quad any minute now.

So, too, with the constant cry of “Fed!!!” in Our Thing. I hate to break it to you, gang, but you’re just not that important. Here, I’ll prove it to you. Let’s say we all decide to have a Dirty Two Dozen Readers’ Meetup. Are the Feds going to infiltrate us? How, exactly, would they do that? Are there any White agents left at the Feeb? And if there are, are there any Special Agents in Charge who will dare to put it in a memo: “I’m sorry, commander, but as you well know, this is a group of CisHetPat Pale Penis People. Diversity mandates be damned, if we’re going to get them, we must send in Bob!”

It’s all just manufactured drama-rama. I know it feels special, falling under the Eye of Sauron like that… but it’s pretty damn unlikely.

(of course, that’s exactly the kind of thing a FED!!!! would say, isn’t it? Bwahahahahaha!!)

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10 thoughts on “B*tch T*ts

  1. AvatarPickle Rick

    The Sex Pistols went and did some really transgressive shit back when punk took off. Sid infamously wore a swastika t shirt instead of an approved Che shirt like our 90s Rage For the Machine. Johnny Rotten was pretty outspoken for Trump. And there’s this little ditty which rustled jimmies back when…


    1. Avatartristan

      please. The sex pistols were completely artificial . Its just another marketing initiation in nihlism that destroyed actual music.

      Mclaren was also involved in trying ot launch a magazine called playkids described as “pleasure technology for a boy or a girl”. I’ll let you conjecture on the rest.

  2. AvatarVizzini

    I was one of the subjects of a subpoena by the office of Preet Bharara when he was federal prosecutor for the Southern District of New York, so I am a living witness that sometimes perfectly ordinary people attract the Eye of Sauron. I was one of the commenters on a thread at Reason magazine who were identified in a subpoena for Reason’s records.

    I have reason to believe my phone and internet were bugged for a couple weeks, but no actual hard proof of such. I wouldn’t bet my life on that being true. I just noticed some odd things on my phone and internet connections in the immediate aftermath of the subpoena and it could easily have been coincidence. At least I had an actual publicly verifiable subpoena against me to justify my paranoia.

    I was never officially contacted and it was all pretty much a big nothingburger.

    However, in the aftermath, I don’t do much of anything differently with regard to my internet security and associations except, maybe, try to use slightly less colorful language to express my feelings about federal judges.

    Internet security, big data and the analyses of large, chaotic databases of user behavior were pretty much my bread and butter day job for 18 years, so I understand the enormity of the task. I have a colleague who describes the task as “not finding a needle in a haystack, but of finding a needle with bad intentions in a giant stack of needles.”

    There’s just too much data out there and our lives are mostly boring. Day to day it’s not really worth worrying about.

    But, if you start having conversations with people about building bombs and conducting kidnappings, well, duh. You’re either the trouble or you’re the mark.

    1. AvatarSeverian

      Having listened to a few Z Man podcasts, I can’t read “Reason Magazine” without hearing the clown horn in my head. 🙂

      That said, I realize it’s possible for normal people to have the Eye of Sauron fall upon them. I’ve been interviewed by the Feeb twice. Once when I was a kid, when one of my Dad’s friends was getting vetted for a government contract of a sensitive nature, and the other when some dude in our boiler room got indicted for securities fraud. I was just a kid the first time, so I thought it was cool that the big bad G Man was asking me questions and noting down my answers (though how the hell would I have known, at age 9, whether or not So-and-So was now or had ever been a member of the Communist Party?), but the other was… disconcerting, even though it was only a routine “you can attest that you saw So-and-So in the building on such-and-such a date?” kind of thing, asked of me and everybody else in the building.

      I had no dog in the fight. I sure wasn’t going to get jammed up with the Feds by refusing to answer, not for some clown of a “colleague” whose name I barely even knew. But on the other hand… fuck the Feds, you know? And this was going on thirty years ago, back when I was still very much a normie. The upshot of all this is, there’s a file with my name on it somewhere down Quantico way. It is what it is.

      But yeah, unless someone is asking for your enthusiastic, legally admissible, signed and notarized assent to something flagrantly illegal, you’re most likely fine. And given the level of competence the Feds in general display, I’m sure any attempted “infiltration” really would look like that. If you’re dumb enough to respond when someone sends you an email suggesting, oh, I dunno, the kidnap of a state governor…

      1. AvatarAl from da Nort

        You bring up a good point in your last sentence. As a rough and ready means of stranger sorting for YT, the stupidity of any suggested plot ought to be the tell that it’s a Fed Op in the making. I mean, what were the five (?) jammed up yokels going to *do* with the MI witch once they’d nabbed her_? Murder’d make her a martyr. Sign something she’d immediately revoke once she got away from you_? Ransom_?

        The Feds were (apparently) able to create quite a number of ‘Terror Plot Traps for Muzzies’ because, for a few of them, killing a random infidel for the Ummah made enough sense to them so they’d participate. And we all know where that 1st cousin marriage thing leads, so there’d be more of the susceptible ones out there to fish among.

        Not that I have any sympathy, but it must be hell to be a Fed Plot Fixer: HQ is on your butt for spectacular plots and you can’t find any. Even sordid and stupid plots are rare. And not just any mark will do. Your marks gotta be smart enough to be kinda credible in court yet dumb enough to be fished into a highly dubious scheme. Just paying them to play wouldn’t count (for now) ’cause a a money trail leading back to you wouldn’t be that hard to find for a regular cop not in on it (or for a defense lawyer, as we’re now seeing). An Agent’s work is never done, even for a special one.

    2. AvatarShpip

      +1 woodchipper

      BTW, a decent gaggle of Reason commenters got sick of the site’s shenanigans, and started up glibertarians.com a little over four years ago. It was one of them who told me about this place, and I subsequently became the 22nd reader.

  3. AvatarNikolai Vladivostok

    I sometimes get comments on my site that I’m not sure are from fools, feds or foes. Suggestions of murder and that sort of thing. I recommend anyone with a blog manually approve all comments, no matter how annoying this is. Goes doubly so for Aussies as we can get sued for publishing other people’s defamatory comments even if we delete them later.

  4. Avatarmmack

    “Only an egghead would be stupid enough to believe that, but they do, since they still think Piss Christ, The Vagina Monologues, etc. are hot stuff on campus.

    Trust me, gang, for anything playing at the campus arthouse theater, I could give you the title and the one-sentence marketing blurb — “stunning!” — and you could give me the subject matter, the plot, and large stretches of dialogue, sight unseen.”

    Reminds me of a time going on twenty years ago when an older (10+) friend of mine wanted to go to an “Improv Theater” show in Chi-town featuring “Edgy Women”.

    I wasn’t so far out of college that I knew in my head EXACTLY what was going to happen:

    – It was going to be two marginally attractive women in their twenties or early thirties
    – Who were going to make predictable jokes about female bodily functions
    – Or predictable jokes about sexual partners
    – And when I say jokes, it was really just snark and anger
    – And I wouldn’t laugh much, if at all

    Not bragging, but I nailed it. The evening was painfully unfunny. My friend thought it was “edgy” but to me it was every “stunning” original college theater production I’d ever seen or saw advertised around my Midwestern college.

    There was a bar in the theater but sadly, drinking more didn’t make them any funnier.

    1. AvatarSeverian

      It’s so predictable, it got parodied on “The Simpsons.” The female “comic’s” one “joke” is: “So I got my period today…”

      1. AvatarP_Ang

        That one was almost as good as the South Park Whoopi Goldberg hosting the Oscars skit.
        Whoopi: “I hate Republicans!” (Applause, canned laughter)
        Whoopi: “Republicans are so stupid.” (Applause, canned laughter)
        Whoopi: “I hate Republicans.” (Applause, canned laughter)
        Whoopi: “and the winner is…”


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