“Cause-heads” are what we called ’em in college. You know the type I mean. It doesn’t matter what we’re protesting today — animal testing, US out of Trashcanistan, Global Warming, Global Cooling, the Designated Hitter — the same clowns are always there, waving their stinky dreadlocks around while tweeting about it on their totally-not-capitalist iPhones. They seem to be equal parts ugly sophomore girls with nose rings and geriatric hippies on loan from the retirement community.
So here’s your Wednesday ray of hope: The cause-heads ye have always with you, but the ease with which they flit from cause to cause suggests the possibility of neutralizing them.
This is not to downplay the danger — as the Z Man points out today, neocon cause-heads seemingly won’t rest until they get us into a nuclear exchange with Russia. And if you want to argue that cause-heads from Boston basically forced the Civil War, you’ll get no argument from me. They’re a pretty good illustration of the type — the ink wasn’t even dry at Appomattox before all the the limp-wristers in the US Sanitary Commission and the Freedman’s Bureau were out agitating for Women’s Suffrage.
And so on all the way back to Europe. Ever wonder why white folks don’t fight wars of religion anymore? It’s not because we figured out which is the One True Faith, though you’re welcome to scan the text of the Treaty of Westphalia to check.* Guys like Oliver Cromwell arrive at the Pearly Gates, get told what’s what by Jesus himself… then proceed to tell Him exactly what He got wrong. Cause-heads never quit, they just move on — the wars of religion ended in Europe because the military technology didn’t exist to decisively win them.
Which, I realize, makes it sound like I’m betting the neocons actually will get someone to cut loose a nuke, and while that’s not a bad bet by any means, I’m trying to be optimistic here. If I were a deep-cover shitlord with a long-range plan, I’d be studying the life and works of the Rev. Jim Jones. Cause-heads never quit, because they can’t — cf. The True Believer, the third most cynical thing ever written in the history of humanity and the final word on nose-ringed psychology.** Igor Shafarevich, whose book The Socialist Phenomenon I can’t recommend enough, outright says that Socialism is a suicide cult.
Let’s use that!!
[obviously this is all hypothetical. I denounce myself].
*Seriously, isn’t the Internet just the tits?
** For the record, going from most to least cynical: The Prince. Leviathan. The True Believer. La Rochefoucauld’s Maxims.