A while back, I went searching for the huge agribusinesses that supposedly own half the Republican Party. We’d have closed borders in a heartbeat, I’m told, if only the GOP weren’t half-owned by Monsanto and ADM. I didn’t find much. Here’s Monsanto’s direct giving to Federal candidates so far in 2018 — a grand total of $192,000, with about 1/4 going to Democrats. Here’s ADM — $254K, 1/3 to Democrats. Admittedly, that’s two companies and a 5 minute trawl through OpenSecrets.org, but we all know that’s how lobbying works — you may favor one party or the other, but you’d best hedge your bets in case the other guy wins.
I’m willing to be corrected, in other words, but I’m pretty sure you’ll have a hard time proving that the GOP is in agribusiness’s pocket exclusively.
But forget ADM for a sec. The other half of the GOP, we’re told, is owned by the Chamber of Commerce. That one, I’m willing to buy (though even there, note the #4 recipient, who received just $960 less than their supposed golden boy, !Yeb!). But therein lies the opportunity. Unlike Monsanto and their lobbyist butt boys (Akin Gump et al), the Chamber of Commerce is a distributed outfit. There are local branches everywhere. If I were the leader of an underground guerrilla organization like the Sons of Valley Forge — and I am not, and never will be, this is entirely hypothetical, I disavow it all — I’d study my local CofC membership roster closely, and…. go say hi.
Nothing illegal, nothing even close to illegal. Just…. say hi. Vigorously. The constant presence of a strapping young man sporting a white Patriots hat and various Fight Club-esque contusions would concentrate their minds wonderfully….
One would think, anyway. Hypothetically. You ain’t gonna get to Akin Gump, and you’re sure as hell not going to get to Monsanto, but the local CofC? They live right around the corner. Lots of them probably mow their own lawns. Their wives shop at the local supermarket. Those are the folks to go say hi to.
Just remember the rules from Road House: Be nice.*
*Or, better yet, don’t do it at all. Because this is all hypothetical.Loading Likes...