Chamber of Commerce Republicans?

A while back, I went searching for the huge agribusinesses that supposedly own half the Republican Party.  We’d have closed borders in a heartbeat, I’m told, if only the GOP weren’t half-owned by Monsanto and ADM.  I didn’t find much.  Here’s Monsanto’s direct giving to Federal candidates so far in 2018 — a grand total of $192,000, with about 1/4 going to Democrats.  Here’s ADM — $254K, 1/3 to Democrats.  Admittedly, that’s two companies and a 5 minute trawl through, but we all know that’s how lobbying works — you may favor one party or the other, but you’d best hedge your bets in case the other guy wins.

I’m willing to be corrected, in other words, but I’m pretty sure you’ll have a hard time proving that the GOP is in agribusiness’s pocket exclusively.

But forget ADM for a sec.  The other half of the GOP, we’re told, is owned by the Chamber of Commerce.  That one, I’m willing to buy (though even there, note the #4 recipient, who received just $960 less than their supposed golden boy, !Yeb!).  But therein lies the opportunity.  Unlike Monsanto and their lobbyist butt boys (Akin Gump et al), the Chamber of Commerce is a distributed outfit.  There are local branches everywhere.  If I were the leader of an underground guerrilla organization like the Sons of Valley Forge — and I am not, and never will be, this is entirely hypothetical, I disavow it all — I’d study my local CofC membership roster closely, and…. go say hi.

Nothing illegal, nothing even close to illegal.  Just…. say hi.  Vigorously.  The constant presence of a strapping young man sporting a white Patriots hat and various Fight Club-esque contusions would concentrate their minds wonderfully….

One would think, anyway.  Hypothetically.  You ain’t gonna get to Akin Gump, and you’re sure as hell not going to get to Monsanto, but the local CofC?  They live right around the corner.  Lots of them probably mow their own lawns.  Their wives shop at the local supermarket.  Those are the folks to go say hi to.

Just remember the rules from Road House: Be nice.*





*Or, better yet, don’t do it at all.  Because this is all hypothetical.

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4 thoughts on “Chamber of Commerce Republicans?

  1. Frip

    I don’t know what to say about this.

    You know, you said you didn’t have an image. Or as you rather unfairly put it, a “schtick”. But you’ve always reminded me of Arnie from the movie Christine. When I read you, I just naturally picture him. I don’t mean that in a bad way necessarily. Even the best guys can become unhinged. Just take care of yourself man.

  2. Pingback: Random Quick Takes | Rotten Chestnuts

  3. hateslawns

    That wouldn’t be terribly effective. When people say, “FILL IN THE BLANK” is owned by the “chamber of commerce”, the entity being referred to is the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, which – although it claims to represent all of those local firms – is really funded by and representative of a handful of industries. It certainly doesn’t give a toss about the local orgs at all.

  4. kgandenberger

    the chamber of commerce supports immigration, whether legal or not, because they want depressed labor prices. they are the enemy of the working man, who could use a raise rather than another pay cut. they are thus allied with the demoncrats, who want more voters and certain religious institutions who want more members and clout. polls consistently show America wants fewer immigrants. (what ever happened to the “population bomb?) money talks I guess

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