As fun as it is to watch Virginia’s baby-murdering governor “Coonman” Northam getting hoist by his own KKK robe, the fallout is going to tell us a lot about where we’re headed.
Forget the gross hypocrisy for a sec. That’s par for the course with Democrats. Of course he won’t resign; Dems never do. They just power through, knowing the Media will do everything in their power not to cover the story, and to hype to the stars whatever shiny they can find in the next day or two to take the public’s mind off it (for the conspirazoids: They’re no doubt auditioning “crisis actors” as we speak. Stay away from gay nightclubs, Black churches, or the tonier parts of Chicago at 2am in subzero temperatures just to be safe).
Nor should we want him to. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? This affair confirms what we’ve long suspected: The GOP really are the Washington Generals of politics. Joining the amen chorus calling for Northam’s head would be stupid — since you know he won’t resign, every Republican politician in every race higher than dogcatcher can hammer the Democrats with the Kleagle in the Virginia Statehouse. The Dems have already all but said their national slate will be 100% Diverse this year; replace “a thousand points of light” with “Northam didn’t resign,” then do the GHW Bush shuffle in every single debate. They won’t do it, of course, but that’s just garden-variety stupidity.
The real kicker is: How did Ed Gillespie’s people not see this?
These are paid political consultants. Gillespie’s campaign took in north of $29 million dollars. including $13 million from “ideological / single issue” donors. They had all that money, and nobody decided to schlep on down to Podunk Medical School and pull his yearbook? While nobody expects the nancy boys at the GOP to give a Democratic candidate the full Sarah Palin treatment, dispatching people to root around in the literal garbage cans outside his house, you’d think pulling paper from his college years would be a standard dirt-digging maneuver. He was in med school, for pete’s sake, and if you’ve ever met a med student, as Tim Newman points out, you know they’re not exactly models of tact, dignity, and restraint (the “hooking yourself up to a saline drip after a bender” thing is standard operating procedure; a bag of saline and a few huffs of oxygen cure a hangover right up… I’ve heard).
It beggars belief. Gillespie was himself a lobbyist before he ran for office; after losing to “Coonman,” he’s a lobbyist again. Nobody’s that lazy, stupid, and incompetent, not even professional political parasites, not even Republican ones. They knew. Which means one of two things must be true:
- They didn’t tell their candidate about career-destroying dirt on his opponent, which is criminally-actionable malfeasance; or
- They told him, and he sat on it, because the fix was in.
I know which one I’m going with. How about you?
It’s all Caesarism, baby. The mandarins have to maintain at least a sham of “democracy” to keep the plebs from burning things. They’re pretty bad at it now, but that’s because they’re stupid, out-of-touch, and old. Kids these days are better at working the google machine than they are, so embarrassments like this, or supposed paragon-of-principled-conservatism Bill Kristol donating to Coonman the Babykiller over Gillespie (he of the $13 million in “single-issue” money), keep coming out. Eventually it will dawn on the mandarins that they have to be a bit smarter about covering their tracks, airbrushing away old photos and the like. Zuckerberg has already gotten a good start; they just have to capitalize.*
In fact, Caesarism might well be the best case scenario, in that it’s always possible that the plebs will see through the sham and riot. The other possibility — the one I consider likeliest, natch — is that some of these seemingly ham-fisted ops are actually designed to get us into a state of learned helplessness. Does anyone, anywhere, think Ed Gillespie would ever have been allowed to run for anything if the situation had been reversed? These days, Twitter mobs form up over things college athletes tweeted when they were 14 years old; I wouldn’t be surprised if this kid ends up going undrafted — costing him millions of dollars — because teams don’t want to deal with the PR disaster of something he did when he was a freshman in high school. If there were photos of Ed Gillespie in blackface out there, they would’ve been found within 24 hours of him declaring his candidacy.
In other words, the message is: No one could possibly be squeaky-clean enough to escape punishment, if We decide you must be punished. Similarly, if We decide We like you, you can rise to a life of affluence beyond your wildest dreams, no matter what you did in the past.
Hey, it worked for Stalin, and he didn’t even have Facebook.