Victor Klemperer, a Jew whose Aryan wife kept him out of the camps, compiled a fascinating book on the Nazis’ abuse of language, which he called the LTI – Lingua Tertio Imperii, the language of the Third Reich. Since we’ll all soon be forced to have social media accounts, the better to sing the praises of our kinder, gentler overlords, it behooves us to do a minor league version of that. After all, we all know how to throw “intersectional” and “genderfluid” around, but the subtle nuances, the quadruple-axel stuff that would impress even the French judge, is what might keep you out of the gulag. Hence, I give you the LQI, the Lingua Quarto Imperii. I welcome your additions in the comments:
“Scary.” I’m pulling a lot of this stuff from David Thompson, whose excellent blog y’all should check out on general principles. He ventures often into the fever swamps of Leftist “culture,” so we don’t have to. One particularly boggy patch is a webzine called Scary Mommy, which is apparently a how-to guide for Progressive parents (though how they can continue to use such exclusionary, gendered, nay, even cisheteronormative! language as “mommy” in this, the Current Year, is beyond me. Shouldn’t it be “Scary Caregiver?”). But whatever, the point is, the Left is deeply invested in the idea that their fifteen-sentence hoard of NPC dialogue is terrifying to us bourgeois. To really stick the landing on social media, one must imply that whatever rote bit of SJW crap you’re parroting is dangerously radical and edgy, even though you and everyone in your social circle has been repeating it verbatim since grade school.
It’s tougher than it sounds. Those of us still slightly tethered to reality will be tempted to try and explain just how this — whatever “this” is — is “scary,” which is a mistake. And, of course, the former keyboard commandos among us are really going to screw it up. They think “scariness” must necessarily be tied to accomplishment, the more outrageous the better. Specifically, tied to the kind of accomplishments they’ve mastered in their own minds, such that the internet tough guy who proclaims himself the SAS’s top assassin, or who got kicked out of SEAL Team 6 for being too badass, is going to try pulling the same thing as a “progressive” — “I was first in my class at Komsomol, and I’m the youngest ever recipient of the Order of Lenin with oak leaf cluster.” Leftists may be stupid, gang, but trust me — everyone sees through this act, just like they did back when you were a “dissident.”
The proper way to approach it is to memorize that stanza from Eliot’s poem “The Hollow Men:”
Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
That’s the Left, my brothers. They’re moralizers without morality, and they’re busy setting up a cult of personality without the personality. Thus they’re “scary” without accomplishment. Again, search up Thompson’s coverage of “Laurie Penny,” who is apparently some British uber-SJW. He quotes her frequently. That’s the way to do it, kameraden — ex cathedra. Behold my edginess, peons!!!
“Tired.” Another one from Thompson’s archive, and if you’ve got an hour or so to kill, the comment thread on that one is hilarious. The context is the launch of a new dating site for extremely online hardcore proggies called “Red Yenta,” and as much as I despise this (((special people))) shit, Jesus Christ, y’all, do you have to be so fucking obnoxious about it? But whatever, point is, these are loopy Leftists who are unlucky at love and, having searched all the way from one part of Brooklyn to a slightly different part of Brooklyn for a soul mate, have finally turned to the internet for help. Thompson and his commenters pick up on something odd in their profiles: The prevalence of the word “tired.”
This, I hypothesize, is the flipside of “scary.” Though in reality Leftists never, ever tire of being “scary” — that’s like a motorhead saying meth wears him out — they like to mix it up a bit sometimes, affecting a pose of world-weariness. It’s just so exhausting, being “scary” all the time. Why can’t those awful kulaks just deport themselves to the camps every once in a while, and leave us in peace?
“Angry.” I’m hesitant to put this one here, because though we know Proggies are always incandescently angry about something, and are compelled to share that with the world, usage can be really tricky. The goal here is to have some fun while singing the required hosannas, not get yourself an Article 58, so use this and any of its synonyms very sparingly. It’s just too easy to go overboard. Ace of Spades used to have the “Andrew Sullivan Freakout Meter,” in which everyone’s favorite ponce was said to be “gobsmacked with heartrending outrage” or similar. If you’re going to do that — and I’m not gonna lie, it’s a hoot — you need to spend some time building your “legend,” as the espionage types say, as a screaming drama queen… and that’s a bit you’ve really got to commit to.
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