Work forced me to venture into the cesspool that is YouTube, where I was exposed to Lizzy Warren’s presidential campaign ads. Ye gods, what a shrew! I haven’t watched the tv with the sound on for years, so I’d forgotten how much her voice makes one long for the dulcet tones of an air raid siren…. or the whistle of a descending 500 pounder bringing the sweet release of death. Freud was famously stumped by the question “What do women want?”, and for once I’m with the ol’ cokehead 100%. Elizabeth Warren stories are what chupacabra parents tell around the campfire to scare their kids straight, and yet this woman is — somehow, someway — an aspirational figure for every short-haired, power-skirted, man-jawed cat lady in America….
Poli-sci types really miss a trick when it comes to (for lack of a better word) aesthetics. Put as simply as I can: Except for the aforesaid cat ladies, every single person in America is put off by nagging, hectoring schoolmarms. If only middle-aged White women voted, Hillary would’ve won 2016 with a Saddam-esque 99% of the ballot. The rest of her “support” was Democrat diehards, GOP-E losers, and confused old people who still think that nice Mr. Roosevelt is the only thing keeping the bank from foreclosing on Pappy’s dirt farm. Since Warren looks likeliest to be the last bozo standing when the Democrats’ primary circus folds up its tents, they must be counting on the bulk kitty litter purchasers to come out even more this time around.
That’s not the way I’d bet. Yes, granted, every single xirl who pages through sperm bank brochures the way boys used to finger Victoria’s Secret catalogs is a guaranteed Warren vote. But are younger women going to break that way? In my not-inconsiderable experience of college age girls, they’re getting pretty fed up with feminism. Not the platitudes, but the career opportunities. They’ll still sing hosannas to “strong, confident wymyn” — college girls are nothing if not out-and-proud herd animals — but “catty” is a female-only adjective for a reason. Elizabeth Warren is nothing if not a Boomer, and today’s college girls have spent their entire lives waiting for fossils like her to finally retire so they can have their moment in the sun….
From their perspective, Elizabeth Warren has won. She played the girl card, and the Fake Indian card, with consummate skill. She’s so good at Victim Poker, she ought to be nicknamed after a city. She’s rich, famous, and gets to tell men what to do, all without visible accomplishment, and she did it with a college girl’s work ethic — that is, by working sooo haaarrrrrdddd! (vocal fry x1000) and tattling on anyone who made her feel bad. In other words, to the Basic College Girl, Elizabeth Warren isn’t a shining example of Sisterhood is Powerful; she’s a Mean Girl bitch who needs to be taken down a few dozen pegs.
Plus, she’s a professor. Donald Trump needs no advice from me on how to skewer an opponent, but if you’re reading, Mr. President, hammer that for all it’s worth. Basic College Girls don’t have mothers, they have day care providers. Professors are just babysitters on steroids. Nobody likes them, not even other professors, and Basic College Girls hate female professors most of all. They’ll all say they’re behind the Woman’s Candidate 100%, but they’ll vote differently.
Last, but certainly not least, The Great Fuck You of 2016 continues apace, and has been dialed well past 11. “Nagging, hectoring schoolmarms” describes everyone in The Media, of both sexes and all 37+ genders. Most men, and a considerable number of women, voted for Donald Trump precisely because he told those nagging, hectoring schoolmarms to get bent. As Elizabeth Warren is fully as reptilian as Hillary Clinton, but somehow even dumber and more shrewish, the same basic playbook should work wonders. There’s no linguistic killshot like “Crooked Hillary” for her yet, but I’m sure Trump’s got one (it’d be stupid to pull it out now, when she’s not yet the nominee).
Along those same lines, Hillary had to run away from her many, many, many scandals; the Media spent the week after every debate instructing the electorate that all that stuff Trump brought up didn’t really happen, well ok it did, technically, but it doesn’t matter, and anyway he’s got orange skin and funny hair. Being an accomplishment-free nonentity (rather than an obviously felonious accomplishment-free nonentity) is a formidable advantage for Warren. But see above: Elizabeth Warren is stupid. Seriously, bone-deep dumb, in the way only a tertiary-educated academic can be. Hillary kept walking into punches; Lizzie will leap into them on a rocket-powered pogo stick.
This is not to say I’m sure Trump will win. I think he’s pretty likely screwed, actually. But he’s screwed structurally, largely as a result of his own cucking. But if he’s going to pull it out, going after the Basic College Girl vote is, counterintuitively, a good way to do it.Loading Likes...