I know, I know, I’m hardly the first guy to make that observation, but for any future historians who might survive the upcoming Time of Purges, let me lay out my thoughts on the Pete phenomenon:
I came out (look, you can’t avoid double entendres when writing about this subject; I’m not even gonna try) pretty early with my prediction that Elizabeth Warren would be the Donks’ nominee. I figured Sundown Joe Biden didn’t have a chance from the get-go. Forget the senile old fossil factor; historically, veeps have virtually no shot at winning an election to the big chair. There have been two in the modern era: Nixon and H.W. Bush. Which is hardly a glowing endorsement in itself, especially considering that both won when the Democratic Party was going through one of its periodic implosions — the surprise resignation of LBJ and the assassination of front-runner RFK in 1968, and the ongoing-but-incomplete Clintonificiation of the Party in 1988, both resulting in the weakest possible Democratic candidates.
Hubert Humphrey and Mike Dukakis look like the second coming of Solon compared to today’s intersectional genderfluid clown show, of course, but a rutabaga in an elephant costume could’ve beaten them back in their day (no disrespect intended to Mr. Nixon). Veeps just don’t have a realistic shot — they get tarred with all the previous administration’s problems, but can’t claim much credit for any successes. See e.g. Humphrey, himself a sitting veep when squaring off against Nixon (who had two entire administrations’ worth of distance friom his own vice presidency). So Slow Joe was done from jump street.
From there, conventional wisdom kicked in. Given the choice between a Jew, a shrew, and a fag, the darker end of the rainbow coalition can only go one way. Antisemitism is a fringe (though unbelievably tedious) preoccupation on the Right. It’s mainstream on the Left, though, and all-but-universal among Blacks. Cf. the careers of such charmers as Jesse “Hymietown” Jackson, Al “Freddy’s Fashion Mart” Sharpton, et cetera ad nauseam. Hispanics aren’t overly fond of them either. They’re even less fond of los maricónes, though here again Blacks probably have the edge. Whichever race is the most bigoted, though, the Dems absolutely have to have both of them 100% on side — if even 15% of the dusky electorate stays home, they’re screwed.
Hence, Warren. Since she already has the crazy cat lady vote locked up, I figured, all she has to do is run a marginally less insane campaign than Herself did back in 2016. A tall order, to be sure — Warren is somehow even dumber and more tin-eared than Hillary, laws of physics be damned — but I figured that at least her people had learned their lesson….
Shows you what I know. Two words explain the drift of Warren’s natural supporters to Buttigieg: “Fag hags.” As I try my damnedest to avoid women in general, and political women in particular, I’d forgotten the appeal fey-but-not-flaming gays have for those who buy kitty litter wholesale. They’d probably still fall in line behind a woman who wasn’t a completely steel-clad bitch, but if the Democratic Party ever had any of those, they haven’t been in evidence for a few generations. Gay men, of course, were until recently the most sainted of all the Left’s victim coalition — and undoubtedly still are, to all but college girls (who are required to sing hosannas to trannies). Thus, Pete’s strong performance in the early primaries, which — as them Dems themselves point out ad nauseam when the Party bigshots don’t get the result they wanted — grossly over-represent White women.
But still, I thought, the Party’s big cheeses will come to their senses. The only way a “married” gay guy wins is if Trump can’t control himself on the debate stage. Every single dude on this side of the political aisle has made some joke about asking Mayor Pete “Are you pitching or catching?” (Answer: “Either way, it’s still baseball”). Not swinging at a softball that fat, right out over the heart of the plate, might be too much to ask of any red-blooded male, let alone an apex-alpha like Donny Two Scoops. But unless Trump really does start razzing Mayor Pete about the Village People and Lady Gaga and HIV and whatnot right there on national television, I thought, this one’s in the bag….
But then I started seeing things on social media. Things like this. It’s Iowa, and it’s early, so take it with a grain of salt, but… how the fuck do you not know Pete Buttigieg is gay?!? It has been the centerpiece, the raison d’etre, the fons et origo, the every other way you can say one-and-only thing about his campaign right from the get-go. Even his supporters joke about it, for fuck’s sake — the nickname “Pete But-he’s-gay” didn’t come from our side of the fence….
The horrifying truth is this: Pete Buttigieg is the closest thing the modern Democratic Party has to a normal human being. Everyone else on their roster is a slavering Marxist throwback; a bug-eyed, buck-toothed Martian; or some other kind of obvious escapee from a low-rent freakshow. Thanks to 40+ years of nonstop propaganda, nobody under middle age has a functioning gaydar anymore, and as for the Millennials, well, as Z Man points out in some detail, Pete is, God help us, an aspirational figure. To the box-checking, standardized-test-cramming, participation-trophy generation, he’s a winner, because he did all that to the nth degree.
Did I mention that I’m seriously considering voting for him? See above: If that’s the generation we’re entrusting with what’s left of Western Civ, then the Chinese invasion can’t come soon enough. Might as well vote for Pete, and give the Mongol hordes a head start. Maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll bring back foot-binding.