Racist Racists and the Great Magic Party Switch of 2016

The regular commenter gang over at House of Eratosthenes often had great fun with what we called the Great Magic Party Switch of 1964.  This, as every liberal knows, is when all the racists who were NOT in the Democratic Party — no siree, no way, nah ah, negative — left the party they weren’t part of and became Republicans, because the Democrats passed the Civil Rights Act.

It’s wonderfully medieval, this Magic Party Switch.  It reminds me of the “chain consumption argument.”  If you accept that we must be resurrected in this body — and St. Paul apparently decrees it so — then what happens if you get eaten by a shark?  Or, God forbid, a school of sharks?  Mus the Lord really assemble all your pieces from the bellies of all those fish?  Or, worse, you die and are buried.  The worms eat you, birds eat the worms, cats eat the birds….You end up with theologians maintaining, in all apparent seriousness, that we neither digest or excrete (much), because thermodynamics-style, all the matter of this present body must be conserved.

So with Democrats and racism.  You see, Democrats can’t be racists.  And since, for liberals, history begins anew every time the sun rises, that means the Democrats were never racists (which also follows from the fact that Republicans are racist.  It’s a two-party system, so if the Democrats ever were racist, that means the Republicans weren’t racist.  Which is impossible).  Everything is what it is, what it was, and ever shall be, world without end, amen.  The casuistry gets gruesome fast — cf. here, where the Guardian informs us that if you “control for religion,” and geography, and (probably) the designated hitter and the fact that vests have no sleeves, you see that the Republicans are the real racists when it comes to voting for the 1964 Civil Rights Act.  Because of course they are.  Meanwhile, all the Democrats who voted against it, tried to filibuster it, etc., aren’t racists.  By definition, because Democrats can’t be racists.  Haven’t you been paying attention?

Of course, now’s the time some neckbeard charges in with his beachhead fact, pointing out the undeniable truth the the South used to vote Democrat, but now votes Republican.  Those folks have been willingly enstupidated by the Teachers’ Unions, but for those skimming this before breakfast, my contention isn’t “the polls are all lies; the South really votes Democrat.”  It’s “mono-causal explanations of big attitude shifts are retarded.”  We are routinely informed that Nixon’s “Southern Strategy” pulled all the racists out of the Democratic Party — that they weren’t ever part of! — with racism, and only racism, because racism.  Nothing else.

But you know what?  The fastest way to refudiate a liberal “argument” is simply by taking it seriously.  So, ok, all the racist never-were-Democrats left the Democratic Party — which they were never a part of! — to vote Republican starting in 1964.  Because racism.  But…. a whole bunch of Democrats also left the Democratic Party this year to vote Trump.  Which is also racism, of course, but… were they — union guys, white women, etc. — not really in the Democratic Party either, 1964-style?

Either way, I’m wondering just how many voters the Democratic Party could possibly have left.  You’ve got inner-city blacks, of course, and all their dead relatives, pets, and dead relatives’ dead pets, but still, that’s, what, a few million?

And then there’s the fact that Donald Trump didn’t win the popular vote, as approximately every liberal on the planet has been constantly reminding us since the wee hours of November 9, 2016.  How is that possible, given all the racism?  I mean, Trump won because racism, right?  Isn’t that the one and only explanation, same as in 1968?  If there’s been, in effect, a Second Great Magic Party Switch, where all the racists who somehow weren’t already Republicans now are, then shouldn’t he have won the popular vote by seventy two zillion votes?

And then there are all those Republicans who didn’t vote for Trump, with their cute little hashtags.  They’re still carrying around GOP voter registration cards.  Are they racists?  They must be, since they’re still Republicans, and all Republicans are racists, but they didn’t vote for the biggest racist of them all, who’s so racistly racist he’s literally Hitler.  How does that make any sense?  Can someone explain this to me, in itty bitty words?


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2 thoughts on “Racist Racists and the Great Magic Party Switch of 2016

  1. P_Ang

    I would like to add…just for posterity’s sake…and the fact I’m rather proud of it…I believe I was the one who actually came up with the term “magical switching parties.” 😛

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