Just recently I had some fun with one of my nephews, who’s unexpectedly home for “Spring Break.”
Let’s take this Wuhan Flu thing seriously, I said. But since that hits a little too close to home, let’s pretend it’s a zombie outbreak. I want you to take it 100% seriously. The zombie virus has made it to our shores. It’s not too bad yet, but there’s definitely a walking dead situation. So… what do you want the government to do?
Nephew of course starts rattling off all the Chuck Norris fantasies young college guys have. Close the ports, call out the army, firebomb the streets wherever infected are sighted, yadda yadda. All of this is translated from the teenager, but you get the gist of it:
Me: Ok. Now, since we’ve stipulated that we’re taking this 100% seriously: Do you really want to give the government the power to do all that?
Nephew: Of course!
Me: Ok. Well then, do you really want to give Donald Trump the power to do that?
Nephew: Oh my god no!!! Orange Man bad!!!
Me: Now wait a minute, Nephew. You just said you’re taking this 100% seriously. You just said you want the government to have the power to set up flamethrower checkpoints on all major roads. Well, who is the current head of the government?
Nephew: But…but…but…. Orange Man BAD!!!!
Me: Remember, Nephew, you promised to take this 100% seriously. So are you seriously telling me that the first thing you’d do, in the event of the zombie outbreak, is call an emergency presidential election, in the hopes that someone — Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard, somebody — would win, so that the right kind of person could take all those measures you said were so very, very, very immediately necessary?
Nephew: Uhhhh…. no, I guess not.
Me: So you do want to give Donald Trump that power, since he is, in fact, the current head of the United States government?
Nephew: Oh my god no! Orange Man BAAAAAAADDDD!!!!
Me: Well then I guess you’re just not serious about this zombie outbreak, are you?
Now of course my nephew, being a college kid with an American public school education under his belt, didn’t learn a damn thing. But maybe the rest of us can. What would a reasonable, prudent, serious government do to respond to the Wuhan Flu, if it were in fact as serious as it’s being made out to be?
Here again, since we’re all agitated about the way our completely sober-minded, totally objective, utterly nonpartisan media is covering Wuhan Flu, let’s think in zombie terms. Closing the borders is a great idea, of course, to prevent further infestation from overseas, but we need containment measures inside the borders. Canceling sporting events, closing college dorms, and the like are also good ideas…. but pretty far down the list from the one internal containment measure that really matters:
Shutting down the interstates.
Can you imagine the damage a single infected delivery driver could do? Well, if you believe the news coming in from non-MSM channels, that’s exactly the case in Italy. You’re stopping Mass at St. Peter’s during Easter (not that the goddamn godless commie who calls himself the “Pope” needed much of an excuse), but you’re letting delivery drivers zoom around on their appointed rounds? With, like, no medical checks or anything?
But, of course, in that same comment thread, Pickle Rick alludes to the reason that would never, ever happen: stop the flow of “necessaries” into the ‘hood, even for a day, and every sizable American city goes up in flames. And since that’s the Democrats’ key voting demographic…
Personally, I think this thing is way overblown. As great as it is to blow off some psychic steam — since everyone on this side already acknowledges we’re living in The End Times — I recognize a gaslighting when I see a ridiculously inept one. I’m not trying to say it’s nothing — it’s a legit public health crisis, and I wouldn’t wish even the regular flu on anyone — but whatever happens, if we survive it, the main takeaway from the Wuhan Flu will be the seemingly unfathomable depths of our own frivolity. We are simply not a serious country. We’re a circus, and the clowns are in charge.
UPDATE: Didn’t mean to step on Philmon’s post, below. Please read that for an excellent take.