Thug Life

Word comes that the Totally Legit Joe regime is thinking about sending its agents door to door, to check if you’ve been a good little comrade and received your jab. Which means now’s an ideal time to discuss the pros and cons of the Secret Police.

Let us first note the obvious: that “secret police” is an oxymoron. A police that’s actually secret would be devastatingly effective… but not as effective, it turns out, as one with a good PR department. When you study up on the secret police of defunct regimes,* the first thing you notice is how un-secret they are, by design. The Gestapo, for instance, tried very hard to insinuate that they were just another bureaucracy — you could ask the average kamerad “what’s the way to the Gestapo office?” and he’d know; he might not even suspect you of any ill designs. After all, European nations have a long tradition of “political police.” The Gestapo were just the logical extension of that…

But on the other hand, the Secret Police tried hard to develop a unique — and uniquely intimidating — style. The Okhrana had their own uniform, IIRC, and Gestapo were rightly famous for their leather trenchcoat aesthetic. And given that almost all Gestapo men were also SS members, that was the sartorial double whammy — even when he’s wearing civvies, that lightning rune pin puts the fear in you. Indeed, that’s the key to their effectiveness.

In the one in-depth study of the Gestapo I’m aware of, by historian Robert Gellately, he emphasizes how understaffed, overworked, and generally inefficient they were. He had some source-base problems — Gestapo files are notoriously hard to come by — but if we assume that the one town’s records he unearthed were anything close to typical, the Nazi secret police spent very little time actually policing. Instead, they spent a lot of time puffing up their own reputation for ruthlessness and cold efficiency, and let that do all the work — most of their intel came from willing informers.

And the Gestapo, overworked and understaffed as they were, had massive resources compared to lots of other secret police operations. The second string, then, amped up the oxymoron even more. Romania’s Securitate was a nasty bunch even by secret police standards, probably because they were at the bottom of the heap, resource-wise (Romania being a poor country even by commie standards, and Ceausescu being a low-rent dictator even by same). Given that, they went all-in on ostentatious intimidation. The Securitate own the dubious honor of making the standard Eurotrash track suit the universal symbol of thuggery. They’d dress their goons in track suits, and have them follow random people around, to let the people know that no one was above suspicion. Same way with phone taps — they made damn sure you knew every phone was tapped, by making the taps as obvious as possible; you could practically hear the Securitate goons taking notes as you talked.

The problem with that, obviously, is that you run the risk of overdoing it. North Korea, for instance, only gets away with their “everything not forbidden is compulsory” model because they’re a tiny peninsula, backstopped by the much richer, much more competent regime across the Yalu. Just as Ceausescu barely lived past the fall of the Berlin Wall, because the Soviets were retrenching and couldn’t waste their rapidly-dwindling resources propping him up, so the Kims will last all of six weeks when the Chinese start having serious internal problems. It’s tough to thread the needle — note the change from the NKVD to the MGB to the KGB as Stalinism wound down, each successor agency getting much less obnoxious and much more actually secret. NKVD goons carried on like the Gestapo (they, too, loved the leather trenchcoat look); KGB guys were much harder to spot, looking like normal apparatchiks.

Americans obviously don’t have much experience with secret police, but if you think about it, our regular police have a very similar problem. What happens if you put a big beefy cop, all decked out in paramilitary gear, with a big K-9 and a huge blacked-out SUV for a patrol car — you know, the whole schmear — on a street corner, and that corner doesn’t immediately become the safest in the city? Even if it does, you’ve got a problem, since that cop is now tied to that corner, meaning that the real criminals can just shift operations a block over. But since that one guy can’t be everywhere, stopping everything, pretty soon the neighborhood loses respect for him. Yeah, he’s got all kinds of tacticool shit strapped to him, and the dog looks scary, but all you have to do to defeat him is have ten people breaking the law simultaneously. Even if he turns the dog loose, he can only stop two of you — when the best your ace crime fighter can do is the Mendoza Line, people stop respecting the police.

Nor do undercover cops help the situation much. I highly recommend the old HBO tv series The Wire. It’s fun for a lot of reasons, but for our purposes here, just watch the schemes the drug dealers come up with to foil the narcos. The Wire goes overboard in its depiction of mastermind drug dealers — if they were that smart and self-disciplined, they’d belong to a different demographic — but the street-level stuff is true enough, I’m told by those who would know, and it’s extremely interesting. Basically what the drug dealers do is set up their transactions in such a way that the cops commit all their resources to catching small fry who can’t really be prosecuted, and don’t know anything about higher-level operations. The best-planned, most sophisticated sting of guys on the street nets you one fourteen year old kid who only knows the street name of the guy above him, which a) the cops already know, and b) is therefore completely useless. Meanwhile the real criminals just keep on keepin’ on…

Now swing that all the way back up top, to the Totally Legit Joe regime sending out its junior volunteer kommissars to “encourage” everyone to get their suicide shot. Lots of people in Our Thing assume this is an intimidation tactic — “we know who you are, and we’re watching!” — but if so, it’s a stupid and counterproductive one, even if the Junior Volunteer Thought Police (hereafter JVTP, please update your Official Rotten Chestnuts Lexicons (ORCL) appropriately) are merely Securitate-level competent. What happens if you tell the JVTP to fuck off? Unless you actually get hauled away in a black, windowless van the very next night, the “lesson” fails to register…

And note that in this scenario, it actually fails on two levels. On the crudest level, it shows everyone that the JVTP aren’t nearly as scary as they’re made out to be. Hey, that goofy fat dude in Apartment 3C told them to fuck off, right to their blue-haired, nose-ringed faces, and he’s still among the living. The second level piggybacks off the first — wait, he’s been an anti-vaxxer this whole time?!? And yet, he’s fine… and he’s been fine… and we’ve all been fine. He should’ve dropped dead fifty times over by now, if COVID were really that bad… Finally, it has the real potential to fail on a third level. The Totally Legit Joe regime obviously hasn’t thought of this one, but what happens if there are way more of us out there than they thought? What happens if entire communities tell them to fuck off? All of a sudden you’ve created, then reinforced, a community identity that wasn’t there before. It could end up being a massive own goal.

And note that this is actually the best-case scenario, as it assumes that at some point, some blue-haired nose-ringer actually will end up at your door. Even such a minor achievement assumes a baseline competence that has so far been nowhere in evidence in the Totally Legit Joe regime. Given what we know about those jerkoffs — given what we know about government programs in general — for every agent actually assigned to go door-to-door, there will be three supervisors, five assistant supervisors, three regional managers, four diversity coordinators, nine grief counselors, and a mascot. All of which will be gender-nonconforming persyns of color. If any of those yahoos manage to find their own ass with both hands and a GPS tracker, it’ll be through random fucking luck.

Which would merely serve to confirm what the targets — we few, we happy few — already know. BUT: consider the impact of such a failure on Karen. As we all know, much to our disappointment and amazement, there are lots of people out there who still somehow thing COVID is a real public health emergency. They’re utterly convinced that people are dropping dead in the streets, and that only massive government intervention can save us. Well, gang…. here it is. It’s massive, all right, and it’s government intervention, but it’s mostly just an army of useless wankers sitting around fiddling on their smartphones, on your dime, at some exorbitant salary. And even if they do manage to find a badthinker — which, see above, would be dumb luck — said badthinker is going to tell them to fuck off, after which… nothing happens.

I know, I know, there will still be lots of folks on Our Side with lurid fantasies of the all-powerful Feds — mostly expressed by yelling “Fed!” every fourth post in comment sections, in between putting lots of extra parentheses around things — but news flash, y’all, those are our Branch Covidians. Just as the skull-fuckingly obvious lack of bodies in the streets doesn’t dampen the Covidian’s faith in the slightest, so no amount of Federal dumbfuckery will ever dent the certainty of the “hello, fellow teens!” crowd. They can be ignored.

But as for the rest of the population, this could be a massive own goal. Yuge. It’s going to be top kek, that’s for sure.


* a tougher task than it sounds. For one thing, the overthrown regime always burns as much as it can get away with. For another, so many of the outstanding secret police forces worked for the commies, and so naturally academic historians shy away from looking at them — we must at all costs preserve our faith in The Revolution!! There’s that Gellately study mentioned above, and a few others on various intelligence services as a whole, but the only study of “secret policing” as a phenomenon I’m aware of is by R.J. Stove, called The Unsleeping Eye. Stove is actually a music critic (and the son of Dissident legend David Stove).

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25 thoughts on “Thug Life

  1. AvatarWOPR

    I saw one of the guides being given to JVTP members. One, they are supposed to step back after ringing the doorbell to maintain social distancing. I figure walking out and constantly approaching said JVTP members will send them scurrying down the street in a spray of antiseptic.

    Next, they have a sheet that asks about vaccination status and has contact information. That is immediately a HIPAA situation. Grill them about their HIPAA training and have fun.

    You also know there are scammers that are going to be using this to try and make a buck. How long before the stories come out of granny robbed blind by two people pretending to be JVTP members? I would ask for gov’t ID, call the central office, and make it a long and drawn out process. Then I would tell them to leave and inform them that if they put any of my information on the sheet I would file a HIPAA complaint.

    Yes, the horror stories that will come out of this will be great.

  2. AvatarMBlanc46

    Of course, it will, if it ever happens, be a fiasco. Just as about everything that the Federal government touches becomes a fiasco. But think of the jobs for the boys. And the girls. And the boys who think that they are girls. And the girls who that that they are boys. There’s a massive amount of student loans that have to be paid off. A “program” of such magnitude will certainly start chipping away at the mountain of debt. And that army of door-bell ringers will be Dem voters for life (i.e., those who weren’t already Dem voters for life). And it will be for life. Because government “programs” never die. The Covid Compliance Unit will last forever. Or, at least as long as the Federal government lasts. At some point it could be raised to cabinet level. Yeah, the door-bell ringers will look like your useless uncle. Just as everyone at the local DMV looks like your useless uncle. All on the taxpayers’ dollars (because dimes simply aren’t enough any more). Don’t worry, the next Repub administration will shut it down? Fat chance. First, there is not going to be another Repub administration. Second, what Repub administration has ever shut down any Dem boondoggle? Third, remember, government programs never die.

    1. AvatarAnonymous White Male

      ” Just as everyone at the local DMV looks like your useless uncle. ”

      What part of the country do you live in? The reason I ask is because all I see at the DMV are bored, lazy, but, most importantly, angry POC’s that identify as ugly women.

  3. AvatarVizzini

    Related to this is the sudden push to turn the Capitol Police into a national police and intelligence force. It’s pretty weird on the surface, but makes total sense if you’re evil.

    Set aside the fact that it’s completely constitutionally bonkers and functionally redundant. The existence of yet another unaccountable, dubiously legal law enforcement agency* with a national presence and, effectively, directly under the control of the DNC is just one more aspect of something a poster with the handle Peabody on today’s Zman post quotes Tim Kelly as saying:

    “There’s a quote Tim Kelly uses at the beginning of his podcast that goes something like: ‘They will run you ragged. They will pile falsehood upon falsehood until you won’t be able to tell the truth from a lie and you won’t even want to.’”

    The existence of so many overlapping, redundant, obscure law enforcement and intelligence agencies just keeps us chasing our tails and questioning ourselves. When there are dozens of sources of threats, you’re never sure where the next hit will come from and who will be immediately responsible.

    However, we know who is ultimately responsible. All the various arms of the government, law enforcement, justice system, media and academia resolve upward into a relatively few people at the top, and I’m not talking about university presidents, US Presidents or politicians. As the saying goes, follow the money and the influence. The existence of the Puppet-in-Chief has never made it more clear that the obvious public faces are not the ones that run our society.

    For whatever reason, nobody ever goes after those people.

    *And I use “law enforcement agency” just as a verbal identifier, not as a signifier that what they do has anything to do with laws and the enforcement thereof.

    1. Avatarcontrariandutchman

      Having multiple police and intelligence agencies with overlapping authority is essential when you want to maintain a semblance of stability in a regime with weak legitimacy. IIRC the Soviets had moscow garrisoned by forces from 3 agencies (KGB, interior ministry and army). If one ageny gets ideas the other two should dissuade it.

      The Romans never thought of this so the praetorians became the primary cause of death of emperors.

      Will be interesting to see if the AINO regime also adopts the Byzantine solution of an explicitly foreign palace guard.

      1. AvatarSeverian

        That’s one of the reasons I keep emphasizing the Byzantine Cat Fancy org charts. A lot of it was philosophical – being social Darwinists, they *liked* people fighting things out – but another was the practical demands of the revolution. You don’t want to make the Night of the Long Knives an annual tradition. Let the various security forces keep each other in check.

  4. AvatarSome Guy

    My question is what would happen if one just told them they were vaxxed? It’s not like they are going to cross-check them on some list. One could just say they were vaxxed and if they press say they lost their vax card in a tragic boating accident.

    1. AvatarSeverian

      You, sir, are a badthinker. Very, very bad. In fact, you’re probably such a badthinker that you’re probably thinking about using the JVTP themselves as proof of your bogus vaccination. You’re probably going to tell the door knocker “yes, I’ve been vaccinated, there’s been a mistake, thank you for correcting it”…. then you’ll demand the JVTP agent’s name rank and serial number, in writing, such that if it ever comes up, you can say “oh yes, of course I’ve been vaccinated, you can ask Pvt. Joe Schmoe, serial#666, xzhey have all the details.” You probably intend to give the benevolent, caring Feds the runaround for months — years!! — doing that kind of thing.

      You, sir, are the reason we can’t have nice things. I denounce you. If I could embed a pic, I’d be the one of Donald Sutherland pointing dramatically. Because you are a bad person, and I denounce you, because only a bad person would ever think of doing something like that,.

  5. AvatarEl Borak

    Regarding presidents and politicians, I don’t know if anyone has topped the precience of Douglas Adams regarding presidential power:

    The President in particular is very much a figurehead — he wields no real power whatsoever. He is apparently chosen by the government, but the qualities he is required to display are not those of leadership but those of finely judged outrage. For this reason the President is always a controversial choice, always an infuriating but fascinating character. His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it. On those criteria [Joe Biden] is one of the most successful Presidents [America] has ever had…

    1. AvatarSome Guy

      I don’t know, having a dementia patient in the oval office has got to have a lot of normies wondering who exactly is making decisions these days.

  6. AvatarPickle Rick

    I’m going to have a lot of fun. First, I’ve got a Rebel battle flag hanging on my front porch- which probably will dissuade most of the JVTP, either through healthy fear of the crazed racist within or their oft stated desire that free white men like myself should die, so maybe they won’t bother trying to save me from the Gook Flu.

    If they do muster up the courage, I’m identifying myself as a disabled queer trans woman of color named Sasqueetchia, complete with the best ghetto accent my country ass can muster. About a minute in, I’ll “transition” to
    Mohammed Amin al-Husseini, the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, and demand they address me as such. After a minute of screaming “Aloha Snackbar” then a “transition” to Pickle Rick, where I’ll deeply ask about my rights as a person of pickle to show them my gherkin, before “transition” to Saul Rosenberg, where I whine about, well you get it…

    It’s going to be performance art.

    1. AvatarSeverian

      I was wondering when one of you very, very badthinkers was going to cop to it: There are more than a few of us…. you, I mean, more than a few of you — who are actually looking forward to going all JCVD on the JVTP. Metaphorically, of course.

      I know, because I used to be one of you. Back when I lived in College Town all the usual suspects naturally assumed that not only was I a Democrat, but way out on the loony fringes. So I’d get all the junk mail and spam intended for that sort, and, being the devious fucker I am, I used it for my “legend,” as the undercover types say. Charities like “Save the Termites” have recently started sending you money — I guess the marketing geniuses have figured out that if they send you an actual nickel along with the appeal you feel obligated to donate or something (“dear Severian, for just a nickel — like this one!! — you can save nine cubic feet of termites. Won’t you please help?”) So I mailed the nickel back to them in the postage-paid return envelope, and that’s all it took — now I’m on the suckers donors list for all kinds of moonbattery. Which means I get targeted every campaign season by the staff of every Leftist goofball running for anything. Which means…

      …well, you know. It’s a hoot. I can’t say for sure that I caused any of them to turn to hard drugs or self-harm, because those correlated almost 100% with being a far-Left activist long before I got to ’em, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.

      1. AvatarVizzini

        All I had to do was sign up for a Zoom meeting for a discussion group about the rural broadband initiative in my area. It was astounding. All the participants were grifters or leftists activists and my signup there got me on the mailing list for a whole freak show of leftist grifter grabbery in the name of “Reimagining Appalachia” “Reintigrating prisoners into society” “Solving homelessness” and every other kind of moonbattery that can be written into a grant application to help us poor, benighted Appalachians.

        My physical email, however, looks like crazy right-winger — the NRA, GOA and the Republican party all spam me in physical mail. For some reason the right has never been as aggressive in my electronic mail.

  7. AvatarAllen

    Like everything else it will end up comically and the main talk will be about the mockery it caused. Pajama Boy anyone. Hell, they even have trouble doing something as benign as a census. Does anyone honestly believe that 10’s of millions of illegals are going to be forthcoming with someone from FedGov?

    Maybe I’ll do that one if they show up, “Heh? No hables.”

  8. AvatarJennifer7084

    Ultimately that’s why I haven’t been super concerned about the vaccine passport. Don’t get me wrong, if (big if) they manage to implement something, it will screw up our lives inexorably. But it won’t be what either righties or lefties expect it to be.

    Because the government and the vibrancy they hire to create the system and roll it out will screw it up. Just look at Obamacare. It has messed up our system and many lives three ways from Sunday, but not in ways anyone expected. Okay more like in all the ways we predicted and more. But still, they couldn’t even manage to run a website.

    I live in CA and Governor Hair Gel Hitler is trying to create a vax pass. I imagine it will go as well as Governor Cryptkeeper’s high speed rail has gone.

  9. Avatartexinole

    Americans heard implicit but undeniable proof that they have lists of people already on hand, and did fuck all about it, means that we still don’t (and never will) actually hold our rulers to account, and our pathetic slide into eloi subjects continues apace.

  10. AvatarAltitude Zero

    Robert Barron wrote some pretty good stuff on the KGB back in the seventies and eighties, but it was at the popular history level, and before the opening of the Soviet archives. Still very much worth reading, though. If nothing else, he succeeded in proving that Commie spy rings were not just a figment of tail gunner Joe’s imagination…

  11. AvatarFeinGul

    This is where enemy capabilities are more important than his intentions.

    Especially as the enemy’s reality is his small circle and is delusional about the outside world.

  12. AvatarCodex

    I so want to volunteer for this job and go door to door informing my neighbors about bodily integrity, risk benefit analysis and their privacy rights, but my husband says it is too dangerous.

  13. AvatarAl from da Nort

    If President ______ (insert your favorite derogatory word) and his minions are serious about the Chinese Covid Compliance Policy (aka the CCCP), another effect of the JVTP will be overloading the ‘Justice’ systems. While it might suck to be the first busted, mass disobedience will be almost as effective as a Soros DA in promoting anarchy. Here is a good example of what it looks like when the authorities lose all respect and control.

    The ‘aspiring local rapper’ in question was cut down, *right in front of Cook County Jail* in a completely in-your-face gang-banger hit. The local Cook County jailers are “looking for surveillance video”, meaning that they don’t have any themselves. This would be the result of incompetence, insider sabotage or gang-bangers becoming sophisticated enough to disable the cameras in the parking lot.

    Chicago has it all: Local Cops, State Police, DEA, HLS, FBI, and who knows what else, yet the collective gets blatantly dissed by the local gangs *Stay the Hell out of Chicago*_!

  14. AvatarStevenJBC

    I just viewed a YouTube video of these door-to-door vaccine agents. What struck me is that they did not identify themselves or show I.D. I have been working as a census enumerator this summer for Statistics Canada. We are required to show residents our I.D. which includes a photo, name and employment number. Although it is the law that census questionnaires must be filled out, we try to persuade rather than threaten. In fact; I have never heard of anyone charged with non-compliance. But then the census doesn’t have to be 100% complete and accurate; just as close to that as possible. The same is true of vaccination, what with natural immunity and “herd” immunity.

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