Why I Am Not a Liberal, Part I

In an effort to post more regularly, I’m putting up a series of short, slam-dunk posts.  These are probably boring, because I’m not a Liberal for the same reason y’all are: I notice stuff (Steve Sailer’s definition of Liberalism as “the war on noticing things” is the best one ever devised).  Still, for the record:

I’m not a Liberal, first and foremost, because I’m lazy.  This is the meta-reason, that encompasses all the other reasons.  It just takes too much damn effort to be a Liberal.

Not noticing stuff is hard.  I said somewhere that Third Wave feminism is so easy to disprove, a wymynist should be crippled by cognitive dissonance every time she goes to buy kitty litter.  With all that rage against the Patriarchy, and knowing (as she does!) that physical strength is just a social construction, she should easily be able to heft that giant econo-size bag off the bottom shelf…. but alas, she’s got to call the stockboy over to do it for her.

Pretty much all Liberalism is like that.  It makes a little bit of superficial sense when you first hear it — “you know, since girls grow up playing with Barbies, and Barbie never pumps iron, maybe Barbie makes girls weaker than boys?”  But then you think about it for a few seconds and realize how stupid it is.  Avoiding stupidity, I’m sure you’ll agree, is hard and getting harder.

And then there’s the time commitment.  I don’t mean the endless protests, awareness-raisings, re-tweetings, and all the other stuff Liberals seem to always have time for (not having a job helps, I imagine), although those are exhausting too.  I mean all those semesters in college (and, increasingly, in grad school) just to learn how to grok their special obfuscatory lingo.  The perversion of language is the bedrock of not noticing stuff.  Orwell usually gets the credit for saying that some ideas are so foolish only intellectuals could believe them, but everyone who has been in an American classroom, K-thru-PhD, has thought something like that at least once.  Such ideas are much easier to believe when you can’t even figure out what they are, but have to pretend you can in order to pass the class.

On top of that, you have to forget everything you already know.  American schools are pretty good at teaching nothing at great (and hideously expensive) length, but despite the teachers’ unions’ best efforts a few nuggets of knowledge get through.  It only takes a few historical facts, for instance, to completely disprove the Liberal worldview (biology only takes one: “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina”).  I like a drink as much as the next guy (if the next guy is a raging alcoholic), but there’s not enough booze in the world to make me forget that the USSR used to be there, but now it’s not.

And then there’s the skull-cracking cognitive dissonance.  Horror writer H.P. Lovecraft said “The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents,” and he’s right — since all the things we’re required to believe these days contradict each other, correlating your mind’s contents is migraine-inducing.  I imagine the Liberal “thought” process runs like that old “Frogger” arcade game — you’ve got to hop from dogma to dogma, dodging the cars of fact and reason that come rushing at you at ever-increasing speed.  That shit’s exhausting; much easier to not believe in the first place.

Finally, there’s the smirk.  I hate working out, because I’m lazy, and do you know how much effort it takes to smug your face up Jon Stewart-style?  I can hold that pose for maybe ten seconds at a stretch.  Your more advanced Liberals, like Rachel Maddow, have their faces frozen that way.  Their jaw muscles never relax, even when they aren’t flapping their gums (another reason I’m not a Liberal: I’m too lazy to talk that damn much).

Which, if you think about it, is why the Left always wins.  They just flat out have more energy than the rest of us.  They have to — I’m exhausted just typing this shit; they live it.

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One thought on “Why I Am Not a Liberal, Part I

  1. Frip

    Great post. You almost used the word I was going to recommend, “punchy”. Now days one has to write with the knowledge that your fiercest competition isn’t other bloggers but porn. (I wonder if this is a cliched truism in blogging circles. Anyway, just my opinion).

    I still enjoy your longer meanderings where you explore the sinews of groupthink. The psychological stuff. But yeah, short punchy flurries are good sometimes. Much of the time, actually.

    Yeah this was prime content. I like to save the best bits of various web articles and posts to a Word doc. Sometimes I can just copy the whole post. This one is like that.

    The Cognitive Dissonance-Frogger paragraph was wicked good.

    Liberals keep that smug smirk on their face because they know it’s important to disguise what their real face would convey as they’re disapproving everything; which is the face of the unsmiling scold everyone hates. Their fear is being called “shrill”, or a “hall monitor”, etc So it’s best appear laughing down at us, than raging up at us.

    The first paragraph was kinda weak and confusing. I think you just called me a liberal. Anyway, you’re not “boring” and there’s no reason to launch it like that.

    Oh, the new layout is perfect. Clean as f*******k. I would eat off this layout.

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