“You Maniacs! You Blew It Up!”

I feel a little bit like Charlton Heston right now:

Except that he was sad, and I’m ecstatic.

Word comes that the NCAA is going to cancel college football.  I’m like a kid in a candy store. Where to begin?

Orwell said “We have now sunk to a depth at which restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men,” so let’s start with the obvious: Some colleges are going to close because of this. I don’t have numbers for you — university account books being harder to find than dark matter — but I do have long experience in the ivory tower, at every level, and I can assure you that your basic college town is fucked.

My pseudonymous former employer, “Flyover State,” was of course an amalgam of several different institutions, but one thing they had in common was a fanatical devotion to — and a fatal dependence on — the football team. Not that the football team was any good, but that didn’t matter. They’d built their brand over decades, to the point that they’d often make one of those late-December bowl games just on the strength of their traveling fan base. They got all the perks the NCAA affords to bigtime programs — more home than away games, padded schedules — such that the population of College Town probably doubled every home Saturday.

What all of this meant was that the entire ecosystem of College Town depended upon those football Saturdays. The massive influx of drinkers to the student bars on football Saturdays enabled them to stay open over the dead months of summer vacation. Ditto restaurants, hotels, memorabilia shops… hell, I knew people who made a few hundred to a few thousand dollars every fall renting out their lawns for overflow stadium parking. There’s no way a lot of them will survive the hit.

And that’s just the immediate short run. I have no way of knowing, but I’d bet enrollment numbers are WAY down already. Indeed, if one were a cynic, one might theorize that the NCAA only waited this long to announce football’s cancellation to make sure that all those student room-and-board checks cleared. The last I heard (via friends still in the system), Flyover State’s plan was to make students come back to campus, but wear masks in their dorms while “attending” classes online.

No, really — that was their plan. They were really going to do that. Kids would have to physically attend things like chem labs — masked up and socially distanced, of course, never mind they don’t nearly have the facilities to make that feasible — but everything else online.

At full tuition.

Never mind that these same colleges fought tooth-and-claw against online education for years, because the in-person student experience is so vital to learning. Never mind that the state community college system (of which there’s a branch in every town of any size) offers the exact same online classes — fully transferable to Flyover State! — at 1/20th the cost. And never mind that Flyover State, like all colleges in this Diversity-mad country, makes a huge deal out of its high percentage of international students. Take it together, and you can change the college motto: “Come to Flyover State, where you’ll sit in a biohazard suit taking classes on your computer while surrounded by kids who are literally from Wuhan, because Diversity Is Our Strength.”

Again: at full tuition. And now with no football to take your mind off it.

If nothing else, this should disprove the idea that any of this is coordinated. Like everyone else with half a brain cell in his head, I’m sure that the Media et al are cheering for the ongoing plague, in that they believe it will hurt Orange Man. But as we’ve seen with the “Russiagate” thing, these idiots are so used to smelling their own farts on Twitter all day that they end up believing their own propaganda. Here again, I still have buddies in the university system, and I can assure you that eggheads are the Branch Covidians to end all Branch Covidians. They’re convinced, utterly convinced, that people are dropping dead in the streets, that hospitals are stacking bodies out in the parking lots, that even being in the same zip code as someone with the sniffles a death sentence. It might’ve started out as a convenient clickbait-y cudgel with which to beat Orange Man, but they’re True Believers now.

They will continue believing this even after they’re turfed out, begging for scraps on street corners while holding signs reading “Will teach your children to hate America for food.”

Have I mentioned recently how much I’m coming to love Corona?

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27 thoughts on ““You Maniacs! You Blew It Up!”

  1. Pickle Rick

    In the immortal words of Flounder-
    “Oh boy is this great!”

    In my sportsball watching days, I never got into college foooseball, because my city had a competitive pro team. I started actually hating it when it became negroball, and started hating the fans when the Jerry Sandusky Penn State debacle happened…

  2. texinole

    Tallahassee, FL – home to Florida State, HNC Florida A&M, State government and literally nothing else – was already experiencing worrisome yr-over-yr tourism decline thanks to better TVs and crappier football teams. This is the killing blow. I can’t believe how little sadness this engenders.

  3. MBlanc46

    It’s been my view for some time that, down the road, on-line “classes” would be all that was in the reach of ordinary folks. Physical classrooms with an actual teacher—even if only a grad student or academic gypsy—would be reserved for the toffs. The virus hysteria appears to have pushed us pretty far down that road. I shall shed no tears for the grievance studies (and most of the humanities and social sciences are now grievance studies) profs when they get their pink slips. But, what can’t continue won’t continue. The pols are pretty deeply committed to the “lockdown”, but even they, or the money boys behind them, must come to see in the not too distant future that the economy has to be restarted. Watching them manage the climbdown will be amusing to us crimethinkers, but climb down they must and will. And we will be blamed for the carnage.

  4. WOPR

    I have to admit I’m cheering them on to push the big red button. I am taking additional glee in knowing that it is the conference of my directional state U that has pushed the power 5 to this point. None of them want to be the first to push the button. I’m betting they announce it together to spread the blame.

    The interesting thing is my wife, who is a sports junkie, has hit the not caring about sports at all point. This is self-destruction at its finest.

  5. Southern Belle

    So…this means that my nemesis may be out of a job? (Sound of champagne cork popping!) Oh thank you for that news! I’ll have to practice my smirks in the mirror. You know this might be an opportunity for us to create an online university of our own to un-indoctrinate students with the theme-Diversity Divides!

    1. Pickle Rick

      That’s exactly what I’m planning to do with a little 18th century project we will be doing in November. Since the museum is closed, we’re going to recreate George Washington and Christopher Gist’s December 1753 run down French Creek from Fort LeBoeuf to Fort Machault in a reconstructed 18th century pirogue. We’re going to do a live stream of the trip.

      1. Severian Post author

        I’ve heard that theory floated. As with all things college, the question is, “to what extent do they believe their own bullshit?”

        I used to think there were lots of profs like me, who said the required words but were really in academia because we loved our subjects. Every year I taught I revised that number down, and now I think it’s pretty much zero. Gook Flu has proved it. There is nothing in this world more blatantly false than the Official Flu Narrative. It’s such horse shit even kids can see it…. and yet, everyone on campus is a True Believer. I’m not kidding when I say there have been faculty mutinies. They refuse to report, because being in the same zip code as another human is a death sentence.

        Given that, I’m pretty sure most college people were ecstatic that their football teams were going to kneel and bitch and lecture. Nothing gets egghead thighs moist faster than Blacks being political. You’d think that the money boys at NCAA headquarters would know better… but if you hang around campus long enough, it’s almost impossible not to at least sip the koolaid. I’d bet good money, in other words, that the NCAA big shots are just as ideological as the faculty.

        1. Southern Belle

          And you’d be rich! Some time ago I heard through the grapevine that black gangs hung around the college football players at my old alma mater, a team that seems to lose a lot of games year after year. Why wasn’t the coach fired? Call me cynical, but isn’t it easier to lose a game than win one? I wouldn’t be surprised that they all get together before a season and decide who wins what. The insiders place their bets and there you go…private plane, villa, etc. The schools get their payoff to look the other way and they can build their new science department…

          Another story that supports this is a friend who was a retired Navy engineer took a class he was interested in at his local college. He was sorely disappointed at the content and teacher so when he saw the college President on campus, he pulled him aside and had a word or two, accusing him of paying more attention to sports than intellectual development. The President’s response was that it was sports that payed for all this and he pointed to a shiny new building.

      2. ganderson

        Are you gonna reenact the meeting at Joumonville Glen? I volunteer to be the Iroquois Half-King! Like Granny Warren, I have high cheekbones.

  6. WOPR

    The Mountain West just hit the button. Which conference wants to play and have some player die of Kung Flu due to a fluke?

  7. The Kaigat Of Wands

    Chesterton said “When men choose not to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing, they then become capable of believing in anything.” I’m not religious but I do think there’s a lot of truth to this – so, since we got God out of the way a long time ago and replaced him with sports and consumerism to occupy people’s thoughts, now they’re on the way out too what’s coming along to fill the void? And why do I think it’s not going to be pretty?

  8. Pickle Rick

    How much of this is influenced by the sportsballers within the universities trying to keep milking the cash cow? I think they’re willing to forego this year’s season not because of the Gook Flu, but because it’s Riot Season. College ball runs out of the pockets of White Americans (often ones that never attended the university and are, so to speak, deplorable, but fork over cash in truckloads). So if the players, students, professors and administrators are all primed and ready to harangue Bubba the Bama fan about racism, they might finally say “fuck it, I’m done.”

    If they cancel the season before negroballers decide to show their asses to the paying customers, get them back under control and come back next year waving the flag, they might not crash and burn.

  9. Andrep

    I’ve been hiding in the basement because of – you know what. I used to go to ball games, but are they having them any more/pro or college? College ones are cheaper. If they are going, has anybody been to one – what are they like?

  10. Joseph Moore

    Flashback: I was the jerk kid who everybody else chased out of the room whenever the TV was on, because I’d start right in critiquing the shows (I was insufferable). Once, my older sister was watching a soap as wandered by, when a character did something utterly idiotic, and 10 yr old smart ass me said: ‘nobody would do that!’ and my 5 years older, much wiser, sister, as she chased me out, said: ‘oh, yes, they do.’

    Years later, appalled, I had to admit she was right. People are just much more idiotic than can be believed.

    Thus, until this year, I simply would not have believed such patent and stupid propaganda could actually work. I could not believe people would march up the scaffold and lay their necks on the chopping block as instructed, all the while believing they are the smartest, most morally upright people in history and calling people who refuse to do so stupid Nazi racist fill-in-the-blank-phobes. But years of government training, where those lovely front row kids who end up becoming college professors earn all those gold stars and straight As and degrees and fellowships by regurgitating exactly what the teacher wants to hear, who use condescension to mask the terror they feel when those horrible back row kids refuse to comply, works like a charm. Their heads have never yet been troubled by an independent thought – why start now?

    As Fichte, the father of modern compulsory state schooling put it:

    ”Education should aim at destroying free will so that after pupils are thus schooled they will be incapable throughout the rest of their lives of thinking or acting otherwise than as their school masters would have wished.”

    He really said that. Addresses to the German Nation, 1807/8, in a public lecture series in French-occupied Berlin. And von Humboldt and that crowd ran with it, and Horace Mann and that crowd went to Prussia and studied it, American schooling was modeled on what they saw – and here we are! Not only K-12, but the ‘modern’ research university are Fichte’s babies.

    How could people be so stupid? Lots and lots of practice.

  11. Frip

    Post title from Planet of the Apes quote, and photo, are perfect.

    Full disclosure: Until about 10 years ago I thought his name was Charlseton Heston. No one ever corrected me. And really, it makes more sense than Charlton. What the f*ck is a charlton?

    True full disclosure: I’ve never used the word ditto. For some reason when I hear a word, I know if it’s never passed my lips. What the f*ck is a ditto?

  12. ganderson

    I agree with all your sentiments, but I’m still sad. I live in a college town with an extremely undistinguished football team. Our hockey team, on the other hand is excellent. I don’t disagree with the arguments presented here about college sportsball, but it seems like another bit of the old America is fading away. Fall afternoons raking leaves, hearing the cheers and the band from the stadium; or, when I was a kid listening on the radio with the smell of leaves in the air… sigh.

  13. Rangifer

    About 9 months ago, the faculty at the local directional state U wrote an open letter about getting rid of athletics. Huge local blow-up. “Not important to academics”, “misuse of college resources”, “distracts from the true mission of higher ed” blah blah, blah. With Corona-chan (and the faculty’s greatest wish of “no sports” fulfilled), their highfalutin academics aren’t enough to pull in students and fall enrollment is 50% of previous years. Instead of bread & butter courses like the local CC, they spread themselves thin with specialty “boutique” programs (which graduate maybe 6-10 students a year) and it’s now seriously costing them. The state has cut back it’s funding, no $$ from Alum for season passes/memorabilia and no lifeboat in sight, the spin around the drain is just getting tighter and faster…

    1. Severian Post author

      So, too, with Flyover State. Every year the faculty gripe about sportsball, and every year the money boys tell them to go pound sand. Until this year, when there’s no sportsball and the faculty are looking at zero enrollments in Gay Transgender Film Studies and the like. When I left, you could choose between five courses with LGBTQ etc in the title, and more “African American this-and-that” than I could count, but Modern Europe? Nada. Colonial America? Nada. Modern Britain? Hell no, although the bitter bindi they’d hired for diversity points back when “Subaltern Studies” was a thing still had a course – some variety of curry- flavored LGBT, natch. This is a Research 1 uni, and next year they won’t even *have* a History department.

  14. MBlanc46

    Yes, ganderson, the old America, the America that I remember from my boyhood in the 1950s and early 1960s, is fading away. Has already largely faded away. That was a white America. We now live in a multiracial America. Some whites might try to re-create some of that old America in white enclaves. We shall see if they succeed.

  15. ganderson

    No disagreement, although despite their inherent corruption I like college sports. My prediction about lots of small liberal arts colleges going tits up seems on track; I’d add that some well known brand name colleges may get swept up, too.

  16. Severian Post author

    My apologies for not responding to / approving comments, emails, etc. Family emergency. All ok personally but I’ll be away for a while. Thanks.

  17. Southern Belle

    Our thought are with you and your family, Severian. Your loyal readers will be here when you return.

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